Saturday, February 7, 2015

everyone you meet has something to teach you

When our own feelings of insecurity or vulnerability are triggered we typically feel compelled to protect ourselves. Our ego starts to judge and label others as toxic and negative, it might become natural to avoid people who pull those triggers in our lives. But there are a few people like family members that will be part of your life no matter how deeply you deny them, all the things you do to avoid them will not matter because it cannot change the fact that you're connected for this life. So the best thing to do in this situation would be to try learn something from it.....we all need a safe non-judgemental place to practice coping skills. most of use find that with close friends and family members who can and will forgive mistakes. we all make mistakes because nobody is perfect, we all get overwhelmed, we all jump to conclusions, we all can be hasty, we all have toxic energy that we will try to project onto others. this is why self awareness is key. developing coping skills is crucial to having a happy life. Its important to be able to recognize toxic behaviors, but mostly so that you can realize and recognize when you're being toxic yourself, because you can stop that, you are the only one to have control over yourself.

1. People who think your dreams stink.
We have a word for people who don’t believe in your dreams. “Haters.” They may belittle your dreams, make you feel as though you’ve failed – even before you’ve even started. What they say may come off as negative, but you might not want to write them off just yet. These 'haters' may have dreams and goals themselves and know just how hard it can be to reach them. This is why they’re important in our lives. If they don’t think that our dreams are going to come to fruition, it could be telling. It could also be that they give you added motivation to prove them wrong. And motivation is something we need some of every day.

2. People who stress you out.
I think we’ve all had stressful relationships in our lives at some point or another with people who demand a lot of our time, like family members or co-workers. They can drive us up the wall with their drama and negativity. They can demand a lot of us too. The thought of spending time with a negative person may be totally cringe-worthy, but you should learn to deal with that stress and deal with them. Why? People spend so much time avoid stress that they don’t realize that not all stress is bad. Sometimes being stressed out is a good thing. It can sometimes push you to do better in your own life. All these stories of people who had a tough go of it but ended up successful? They can handle stress masterfully. So learn how to tap into the positive energy of your stressful pals.

3. People who take advantage of you.
Being taken advantage of stinks, and we tend to dislike the people who take advantage of us. It’s a toxic feeling and can start to impact how you deal with other people too. Avoiding people who take advantage of you may seem like the right choice, but you could be able to take advantage of them taking advantage of you. Honestly, we all use each other. It’s part of the social fabric of people a human being. I wouldn’t call it unusual or even terrible for people to befriend you because of what you might have to offer them. Sometimes you do it too! So when someone is taking advantage of you, communicating with them about it can turn the tables. So don't be afraid to speak up and explain your perspective. Its a lot less offensive if you're upfront about it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, but you also have to be willing to accept NO as an answer. You might do something nice for them, but in turn, you may also seek them out for their assistance too. Everyone can bring something to the table.

4. People who don’t care about you.
Everyone wants to be liked, even the most anti-social among us. When we encounter someone who doesn’t seem to care about us being around, it can feel bad, but it may actually be a good thing. Having people in your life who don’t care about you reminds you of the quality people. So it’s not necessarily a bad thing if someone doesn’t really like you or care about you. Your friends and acquaintances who don’t care do well to remind you of the importance of your true friends.

5. People who criticize you and point our your flaws.
Face it. Nobody likes hearing about their flaws. When people take to pointing out your flaws, it can feel toxic and hurtful. They pick at who you are and each comment feels like a dagger. Guard yourself against these people for sure, but hear what they have to say. Sometimes it’s important to hear the message and disregard the package that their message was wrapped in. Criticism is how we grow as people. But it is worth noting that people who criticize you for things outside of your control, like what family came from, your sexuality, gender or any other innate feature are not particularly useful in your life. There’s a difference between bigots who only put others down to make themselves feel better and friends who might point out your flaws because they want to see you grow. Letting yourself get offended when other's have opinions that do not match your own only lowers your vibrations. You can't change other people. Keep in mind if you decide to criticize others, they won't ever stop liking what they like, they just stop liking you.


3 steps to help you appreciate people that you do not like

To use the Law of Attraction effectively, you have to find a way to appreciate the things around you as much as you can. Fixating negatively on anything only lowers your vibration and brings you more of what you don’t like. Many of us struggle to focus positively on the people we dislike. It can be challenging to figure out how to appreciate people that annoy, hurt or anger us. That being said, there are a few things that you can do to find appreciation for the people you’ve traditionally felt very negatively about. Here are three steps you can use to help you do this. *For the best results, please complete these steps in order. It might be hard for you to start with the last one without completing the first two:

1. Find their struggle: We all are struggling with something because this is how we grow and evolve. Even the people you hate are having difficulty in some area of their life. Take some time to think about what this person is really struggling with right now. Maybe their love life is going poorly, they are sick or they are having problems at their job. Looking for another person’s struggle will help you empathize with them and reduce the negative feelings you have towards them. As a quick note, don’t spend too much effort on this step because technically it focuses you in a negative direction. Focusing too much on another person’s struggles will only amplify their struggles and yours. However, in small doses it can bring out your concern and compassion just enough to help you be more receptive to appreciation.

2. Evaluate them for any positive personality traits: It is very likely that your personalities are not particularly compatible, but there will be at least one thing about this individual’s personality that you like. Maybe they are funny, they speak well, they are generous, or they are clean and neat. Dig into this person’s personality to find anything that you agree with and appreciate. The more items you find, the better.

3. Evaluate them for any redeeming physical characteristics: Maybe you hate they way they treat you, but that doesn’t mean that everything about them is displeasing. Maybe they have nice eyes, a great haircut or nice jewelry. When you are around someone you don’t like take a moment to look them over for anything that is pleasing to you. Again, the more items you find, the better. If you feel up to it, let them know what you like! Complimenting people reduces tension and adds more positive momentum towards appreciation. It can be very easy to be put off by one aspect of another person’s disposition, but each and every one of us is multi-faceted. We can choose to look at the things we don’t like, or we can choose to search for the things that we do like. Taking the time to find little things that you appreciate about the people you’ve traditionally disliked will help you use the Law of Attraction more effectively. This is because an area of your life that has typically elicited negative feelings will now be generating more positive emotions from you. Positive emotions are critical if you want to create a life you love. As an added bonus, the Law of Attraction brings you what you think and feel about, so focusing on the positive traits of another will create a situation where you see more about them that you like and less of what you don’t. With practice, you will find that it becomes easier to be around these people when they pop up in your life. To be certain, you may do all three of these steps and still find that you don’t fall in love with this person. We’re not all going to immediately become best friends, and that’s ok. The benefit of doing these steps is simply that it will help you improve your vibration. Your ability to find appreciation even in the face of the unwanted will make you a master of the Law of Attraction



It’s easy to shrug off missed chances as risks we were not ready to take. But when it comes down to it, are we ever fully prepared to take the big risks that present themselves to us? Are we ever going to be 100% prepared to make a change?

We could always be smarter. Or funnier. Or thinner. Or more qualified. But life doesn’t wait for us to catch up. While we’re busy developing ourselves, time is quickly zooming on: Favoring those who are not ready either but who want to try anyway. Who want to challenge themselves by taking chances. Who want to grow into being ready. And who aren’t afraid to look a little stupid while they’re figuring things out.

I have a particularly clever friend who once wanted a research grant quite badly. As a second year undergraduate student, she considered herself tremendously under qualified. “I paced back and forth outside of my Professor’s hallway trying to convince myself to go in and bring it up,” She told to me, “And then I remembered something my mother used to tell me. She’d say, ‘Chloe there are two types of people in this world: People with knowledge and people with nerve. And the jobs often go to the latter. Someone far less qualified than you is out there working the job that you want because they had the courage to ask for it.’”

Chloe wasn’t ready for the position she landed herself in, but she found herself in it regardless. And once she got that grant, she struggled in the role until she excelled at it. Isn’t that how so many of our biggest changes present themselves?

The big steps in life – the big leaps forward – never wait until we’re ready to take them. That connection you’ve been too scared to make. That person you’ve been too scared to love. That job you’ve been dreaming about for as long as you can remember – none of them are waiting to waltz into your life as soon as you’re emotionally prepared for them.

We become strong by first being weak. We become capable by first being incapable. And we become ready by first being entirely unprepared. The goal isn’t to know everything right away. The goal is to waltz into the unknown and declare yourself worthy and capable of being there. To live out the chaos until it’s clear.

At the end of the day, we’re never going to be 100% ready for anything. Not for the job of our dreams and not for a job at the mini mart. Not for the person we want to spend our lives with and not for the person we want to spend the night with. Life is one big scary unknown and we just have to decide which parts of it we want to dive into anyway. The unknown that thrills us or the unknown that tires us. The unknown that inspires us or the unknown that tears us apart.

No risk will ever be simple. You’re going to fail and be criticized regardless of which life path you take – so why not take the one that challenges you? Why not engage in the choices that grow you? Why not pour your heart and soul into something that inspires and invigorates you and ultimately leaves you better for having done it?

We don’t have to be ready for anything that comes our way in life. We grow into whichever paths we walk down with curious, open hearts.

We just have to risk taking those first steps – ready or not.


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