play both videos at the same time
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Psychological Warfare
why should you care about Psychological Warfare? because the worst people; sociopaths/psychopaths/malignant narcissists are commonly attracted to empaths, because they are more vulnerable
this situation occurs all too frequently in families, workplaces, schools, religious organizations, romantic relationships- pretty much anywhere that two or more people interact. Everywhere that people are involved, this can and does happen. No one is safe.....
Psychological Operations (PSYOP) or Psychological Warfare (PSYWAR) is simply learning everything about your target enemy, their beliefs, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. Once you know what motivates your target, you are ready to begin psychological operations.
Psychological Operations are planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motives, objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of organizations, groups, and individuals. Used in all aspects of war, it is a weapon whose effectiveness is limited only by the ingenuity of the commander using it.
A proven winner in combat and peacetime, PSYOP is one of the oldest weapons in the arsenal of man. It is an important force protector/combat multiplier and a non-lethal weapons system
----------------------------------------------------
first you must know yourself and be able to manage your own strengths and weaknesses
i found this article to be very relevant: http://enlightened-consciousness.com/home/2014/04/what-empath-and-what-are-their-traits/
An Empath is a person who was born with unique variations in the central nervous system. This means how the brain is configured and how the nervous system works in the body. This has not yet been studied and quantified by science. Instead it is being brought forth by individuals who are becoming self-aware of these qualities and who explore this experience through creative and intuitive outlets.
An extremely high degree of overall sensitivity is the general indicator for this type of person. All of the sensory organs of an Empath have low thresholds thereby resulting in unusual sensitivity to light, smell, and sound/ frequencies. An Empath also possesses a very sensitive emotional nature, that is typically difficult to self-manage. Books have been written on "highly sensitive people" and those materials are relevant to this topic. However, being highly sensitive is only one part of the formula for Empaths.
They are sensitive to the visible as well as the invisible and pick up on body language and voice tone , telepathically picking up your thoughts and emotions including those you wish not to be known. It is not uncommon for an Empath to suddenly feel 'overwhelmed' for no apparent reason only to discover later that someone they know experienced some sort of trauma at that exact moment they felt it. So essentially, an Empath, is someone whose senses are extraordinarily heightened, meaning they receive the majority of their psychic input from what they feel.
Since Empaths are constantly bombarded by emotions which do not originate internally, they struggle to figure out why they feel the way that they do and therefore tend to have to have to be alone in their own space to relieve this.
Emotions that create powers that have been known to be God like in nature. Empaths are so sensitive that they can absorb the negative emotions of others in their body to which it can then physically manifest and create feelings of fatigue and nausea. Migraines are the most common symptom of sensory overload in an Empath and ideally it is best to not get to this stage of overload and to try to be aware of too much before too much becomes more than enough.
Empaths are born Empaths. They don't become Empaths. There is a confusion around the difference between whether being sensitive as you mature means you are an Empath. This is not the case. Highly sensitive people can often think they are Empaths due to the similarity in sensitivity but the level of difference lies in the clairvoyant abilities that an Empath has that exceeds that of a sensitive.
Traits Of A Highly Sensitive Person
They feel (their own) emotions deeply.
They are sensitive to the emotions and emotional states of people around them
They are easily hurt or upset.
They tend to avoid conflicts, arguments and other types of confrontations.
They tend to become agitated and/or flustered when surrounded by large groups of people or lots of activities.
They tend to need time to themselves each day.
They tend to be creative types who deeply appreciate art, nature and music.
They are prone to suffer from recurrent depression, anxiety or other psychological disorders.
They tend to be slower at recovering from intense stimuli, because they are sensitive to other people's suffering, noise, light, caffeine, pain, medications, temperature, and other stimuli.
They tend to be introverted and have rich,complex inner life, because they are able to concentrate and process information deeply.
Traits Of An Empath
Empaths are quiet achievers but expressive in area's of emotional connection. They find that talking about emotional issues is a great outlet that aids in understanding themselves and others.
Some Empaths can be the opposite of what an Empath 'should' be because they are overwhelmed or unable to handle emotion and what they feel in the world around them so they block their feelings.
They can be focused outward, toward what others feel, rather than themselves. This is a common trait to many people who have not gone through a process of self development.
They avoid disharmony caused by emotionally turbulent situations. This type of situation can easily create an uncomfortable feeling because an Empath feels this emotion.
Empaths are emotionally sensitive to violence and general chaos.
Empaths are sensitive to loud noise and television. In particular, television programs that depict emotional drama.
They struggle to comprehend acts of cruelty and crime that involves hurting others.
They struggle to comprehend suffering in the world and are often idealists who theorise about fixing the worlds problems.
Are often found working as volunteers, with people, animals or the environment.
They are expressive so they can often be found in areas of music or the arts.
They often have the ability to draw others to them. This includes children and animals as they have a warmth and compassion that is beyond normal You may find that strangers always talk to you if you are an empath.
They can be good listeners as they generally have an interest in other people.
Empaths can be moody or have large mood swings due to overwhelming thoughts, feelings and emotion.
They are likely to have had, other paranormal experiences in their life. This could be astral projection, psychic ability or a variety of other experiences.
Empaths are daydreamers that have difficulty keeping focused. This is common with people who deal more IN emotion and neglect other area's of their mind.
Like many people on a spiritual path Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities. This is something that occurs to everyone however Empaths are often more aware and therefore 'look out' for it.
All Empaths have precognition, premonitions, nightmares, constant illnesses with no medical cause (due to picking up on others illness), the ability to feel the truth and converse telepathically before an event has taken place and a tendency to not be able to control their emotions which can result in the energy from their intense feelings can cause electrical shortages and malfunctions in anything that uses electric. Some Empaths are so powerful that telekinesis (moving things with mind energy) can manifest when they are very unbalanced emotionally. Children and Animals have an affinity with Empaths and will always feel at ease with one due to their healing nature. Attracting energies that need healing is another regular experience that Empaths endure and tend to find themselves in situations that challenge their ability to counsel and support those that are suffering from mental and physical illness. It is not uncommon to find that the manifestation of constant lower energies creates physical responses in the form of anxiety attacks and mood fluctuations.
ALL Empaths have healing ability. They don't necessarily need to educate themselves on much as it is within them to already know and channel energy to create harmony and balance despite being unbalanced themselves from others energies.
The physiology of the Empath trait.
When you think about something it triggers electrical activity in your brain. Neurons (special cells that relay information from the brain to the body's nervous system ) get activated through a very mild electric current. These neurons then activate other neurons, creating a chain reaction. Each thought follows a unique 'pathway' in the brain, called a 'Neuron pathway'. Scientists already know that the Neuron pathway varies, depending on the type of intellectual activity you’re doing.
All this electrical activity generates a magnetic field (which is true for all electrical currents). As Empaths, we are able to read and interpret this magnetic information. Our own brain translates these magnetic patterns into an emotion that we personally experience. Think of it like having a portable MRI machine (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) in your brain. You can 'take pictures' of magnetic waves and translate them into something meaningful. Doctors use MRI scans to differentiate between sick and healthy cells. We use it to differentiate between emotional states.
An example of a 'physiological' reaction to emotion.
When someone is angry, there’s all kind of electrical and chemical reactions happening in their body (sweating, getting flustered, faster heart beat). All these changes trigger mild electrical currents that create a magnetic field around their physical body. As an Empath, you are able to scan this magnetic information to “read” their state of mind: this person is angry. Although the pattern changes from one person to the next, Empaths are able to interpret it and translate it.
About human magnetic waves -
They can go through solids (such as bones and walls) with very little loss. Which means that you can read people even if they are far away.
They are very very very weak and are often called “Subtle Energies”. They cannot harm you in anyway.
Conclusion
If you are lucky to learn adaptive mechanisms earlier in your life so that you can deal with this constant surge of information you can avoid the path of destruction. But without some basic education, ( I’m sure your parents did not discuss with you when you were young about being an Empath), some Empaths will resort to destructive or energy consuming mechanisms to deal with the situation. This can lead to depression, mood altering addictions (drugs, alcohol) or anything else that can drown other people’s emotions.
----------------------------------------------------
It's also important to know what you will be working against, the ego.
this is from: http://narcissisticbehavior.net/category/narcissism-and-the-addiction-to-self/
The Narcissists Multi-addictions: The Addiction to “Self”
So what is the narcissist most addicted to? In a word, the narcissist is most addicted to their own grand view of “self”, and they will not tolerate anything or anybody that is likely to obstruct them in their pursuit. Being addicted to their own self, they are vigilantly looking for self-enhancement opportunities, especially in external quarters where their self-worth is vulnerable, and they feel a need to construct grandiose identities. This need for self-enhancement opens the narcissist up to multi-addictions in order to grow their wide range of strategies for maintaining their ever growing inflated self-views.
What are the causes of narcissistic personality disorder?
I don’t think anybody really knows what causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder to develop in an individual. Theorists differ in what they say, but it would seem that most believe that Pathological Narcissism results from extremes in child rearing; such as a reaction to deficient bonding and dysfunctional attachment (Bowlby). From the perspective of the Object Relations Theory, the narcissists are infantile and chaotic (Winnicott, Guntrip). It is believed, that sometime during childhood, the narcissist internalises a “bad” object (typically, the mother) and develops forbidden emotions such as rage, hatred, envy, and other forms of aggression toward this object. Other theorists say it may be caused by brain injury. Yet another school of thought, Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology, believes that narcissism may be the result of trauma within a hostile womb before a child is even born, or during the birthing process due to mishandling. So whether the damage to the individual is caused by neglect by an authoritative figure, bonding and attachment problems, brain injury, too high an expectation being placed on a child, excessive pampering and spoiling, or fetal trauma, the evidence of narcissism is usually showing itself by early adulthood.
It seems, because the narcissists raging aggression was unacceptable to the world, and therefore dangerous to him, he was forced to suppress it. He soon learned how to successfully channel that aggressive energy into fantasies or to socially legitimate outlets such as dangerous sports, gambling, reckless driving, and compulsive shopping, etc. Sadly, in his effort to repress those “bad” feelings he, unfortunately, also suppresses all of his emotions. Naturally, these aggressive feelings reinforce the narcissist’s self-image as being bad and corrupt. Gradually, over time, he develops a dysfunctional sense of self-worth, and his self-confidence and self-image becomes unrealistically low and distorted.
As a result of their disturbance in the attachment stage, it seems that many narcissists have no psychological-object constancy at all, and consequently, they live in a world that appears very unsafe. Their world becomes a world where they do not feel that other people are good-hearted, reliable, caring, constant, accessible, predictable, or trustworthy. So they avoid real contact with anybody, this includes their parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, colleagues etc. Consequently, they are totally disconnected from the real world.
This disconnection is intolerable for the narcissist; he is fearful and deeply lonely within himself, and he is unable to do anything about it. Never having learnt the art of honest communication, he lacks the skills of forming healthy relationships. In order to defend himself he compensates for this lack of ability (or willingness) to relate to real live people, he invents and shapes substitute-objects or surrogate-objects. His first loving and completely controllable object he attaches to is “himself”. Just like the mythical character Narcissus, he has become the object of his own desire, and he projects that idealized image onto the world through a persona that is a False Self, a false self that he sees as being omnipotent (all-powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing). Unfortunately, these images are confabulations, merely elaborate works of fiction which have little or nothing to do with reality, but they serve their purpose, even if it is just temporarily. From there he turns others into functions or to objects so that they pose no emotional risk. These mental representations of meaningful or significant others become the “Sources of Narcissistic Supply”. It is this reactive pattern that is called pathological narcissism.
Narcissists desperately crave love, but at the same time, because of their inordinate fear of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection, they are terrified of intimacy. Because the narcissist does not form safe secure relationships with anybody, they are very afraid to trust. Their distrust and fear of people means that they cannot tolerate the discomfort of being wrong, making mistakes, failing, losing, being criticized, ignored, rejected, or disregarded, these all involve too much vulnerability, so they avoid all intimate contact.
The only relationship that the narcissistic nature can manage is the relationship with their own self, which of course is built on the illusion of their superiority, power, and control. Because they must always feel good about themselves, they live a life of lies (mendacity) in order to maintain the illusion of their grandiose self-image, not just to others, but to their own self, consequently they live through a False Self. As a result they are susceptible to a life of obsessions, compulsions and addictions.
Whatever a narcissist does, they take it to the limits, whether it is drink, drugs, sex, food, sport, exercise, religion, shopping, health, career etc. The way they survive in the world is through their obsessions. Everything they choose to obsess on represents who they are to themselves.
Regarding their family, it may be that they are obsessed with their family in a very controlling and harsh way; for example, their children are expected to be better than other children; winners in some way (looks, abilities, intelligence, achievements, music, etc.). It does not really matter what they are good at, what matters is that the child reflects what a wonderful parent it has, and naturally all its gifts and talents are inherited, or at lease attributed, to the narcissistic parent in some way.
When it comes to their career, it is often taken to the ultimate degree. The reason for this is that, generally speaking, narcissistic children do not do very well at school. Their disregard for rules, their truancy, their disruptive and chaotic thinking plays a big part in their schooling, a schooling in which they often do not attain high achievements. As a result, as adults they feel inferior when it comes to education, so they need to over compensate for their deficiency. This over-compensating behaviour helps the narcissist feel somewhat in control.
The narcissistic personality and its obsessive desire for control is not about control just for control’s sake, but an essential defense against the risk of receiving a narcissistic injury; a blow to the ego or self-esteem that may end in deep feelings of humiliation and shame. They also have a tendency to become obsessed with their health, and hypochondria is very common. The hypochondrium is linked to their fear of losing control over their body, its looks, and its proper functioning.
To the narcissist, he is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions); this belief shows itself in his arrogant, scornful and proud behaviors or attitudes. Because they believe they are so special they expect to win over every situation; in their minds, fate has made them winners, this makes them very susceptible to becoming gamblers and risk takers in all their undertakings.
So self-absorbed, narcissist believes that they are exempt from the mundane – they see themselves above the laws of other mortals, rules do not apply to them, and that they are owed preferential treatment at all times. They are invincible, therefore above reproach altogether. So, if for some reason they fail to deliver in some way, they will inevitably revert to blaming someone else. Because of their “specialness” they seem to think that others owe them the right of warning them of any dangers well in advance. Failure to do so only confirms to the narcissist that people are useless and cannot be relied upon, or trusted to support them.
Narcissist loves a distorted image of themselves, so in effect; their love for themselves is not true. Somehow, through their own life experience, they have learned that they must be the picture of perfection if they are to be respected, admired or “loved”. They invest in their False Self-image at the expense of their True Self. They believe that they are independent people, while in truth they are dependent on their endless narcissistic supply to bolster their egos. Because they deny their emotions, they also deny their fragile vulnerable nature of being a human being. As a result they deny that they have any problems, admitting such a thing is out of the question, because this would shatter their image. Because of this denial they fail to love themselves, and as a result they suffer in many ways. For example, their health suffers through their impulsive addictive behaviour. They constantly leave themselves open to reprisals from people that they mistreat, they lie to themselves that people could really care about them. No matter how well they look on the outside, they are suffering from a great inner hunger.
this situation occurs all too frequently in families, workplaces, schools, religious organizations, romantic relationships- pretty much anywhere that two or more people interact. Everywhere that people are involved, this can and does happen. No one is safe.....
Psychological Operations (PSYOP) or Psychological Warfare (PSYWAR) is simply learning everything about your target enemy, their beliefs, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. Once you know what motivates your target, you are ready to begin psychological operations.
Psychological Operations are planned operations to convey selected information and indicators to audiences to influence their emotions, motives, objective reasoning, and ultimately the behavior of organizations, groups, and individuals. Used in all aspects of war, it is a weapon whose effectiveness is limited only by the ingenuity of the commander using it.
A proven winner in combat and peacetime, PSYOP is one of the oldest weapons in the arsenal of man. It is an important force protector/combat multiplier and a non-lethal weapons system
----------------------------------------------------
first you must know yourself and be able to manage your own strengths and weaknesses
i found this article to be very relevant: http://enlightened-consciousness.com/home/2014/04/what-empath-and-what-are-their-traits/
An Empath is a person who was born with unique variations in the central nervous system. This means how the brain is configured and how the nervous system works in the body. This has not yet been studied and quantified by science. Instead it is being brought forth by individuals who are becoming self-aware of these qualities and who explore this experience through creative and intuitive outlets.
An extremely high degree of overall sensitivity is the general indicator for this type of person. All of the sensory organs of an Empath have low thresholds thereby resulting in unusual sensitivity to light, smell, and sound/ frequencies. An Empath also possesses a very sensitive emotional nature, that is typically difficult to self-manage. Books have been written on "highly sensitive people" and those materials are relevant to this topic. However, being highly sensitive is only one part of the formula for Empaths.
They are sensitive to the visible as well as the invisible and pick up on body language and voice tone , telepathically picking up your thoughts and emotions including those you wish not to be known. It is not uncommon for an Empath to suddenly feel 'overwhelmed' for no apparent reason only to discover later that someone they know experienced some sort of trauma at that exact moment they felt it. So essentially, an Empath, is someone whose senses are extraordinarily heightened, meaning they receive the majority of their psychic input from what they feel.
Since Empaths are constantly bombarded by emotions which do not originate internally, they struggle to figure out why they feel the way that they do and therefore tend to have to have to be alone in their own space to relieve this.
Emotions that create powers that have been known to be God like in nature. Empaths are so sensitive that they can absorb the negative emotions of others in their body to which it can then physically manifest and create feelings of fatigue and nausea. Migraines are the most common symptom of sensory overload in an Empath and ideally it is best to not get to this stage of overload and to try to be aware of too much before too much becomes more than enough.
Empaths are born Empaths. They don't become Empaths. There is a confusion around the difference between whether being sensitive as you mature means you are an Empath. This is not the case. Highly sensitive people can often think they are Empaths due to the similarity in sensitivity but the level of difference lies in the clairvoyant abilities that an Empath has that exceeds that of a sensitive.
Traits Of A Highly Sensitive Person
They feel (their own) emotions deeply.
They are sensitive to the emotions and emotional states of people around them
They are easily hurt or upset.
They tend to avoid conflicts, arguments and other types of confrontations.
They tend to become agitated and/or flustered when surrounded by large groups of people or lots of activities.
They tend to need time to themselves each day.
They tend to be creative types who deeply appreciate art, nature and music.
They are prone to suffer from recurrent depression, anxiety or other psychological disorders.
They tend to be slower at recovering from intense stimuli, because they are sensitive to other people's suffering, noise, light, caffeine, pain, medications, temperature, and other stimuli.
They tend to be introverted and have rich,complex inner life, because they are able to concentrate and process information deeply.
Traits Of An Empath
Empaths are quiet achievers but expressive in area's of emotional connection. They find that talking about emotional issues is a great outlet that aids in understanding themselves and others.
Some Empaths can be the opposite of what an Empath 'should' be because they are overwhelmed or unable to handle emotion and what they feel in the world around them so they block their feelings.
They can be focused outward, toward what others feel, rather than themselves. This is a common trait to many people who have not gone through a process of self development.
They avoid disharmony caused by emotionally turbulent situations. This type of situation can easily create an uncomfortable feeling because an Empath feels this emotion.
Empaths are emotionally sensitive to violence and general chaos.
Empaths are sensitive to loud noise and television. In particular, television programs that depict emotional drama.
They struggle to comprehend acts of cruelty and crime that involves hurting others.
They struggle to comprehend suffering in the world and are often idealists who theorise about fixing the worlds problems.
Are often found working as volunteers, with people, animals or the environment.
They are expressive so they can often be found in areas of music or the arts.
They often have the ability to draw others to them. This includes children and animals as they have a warmth and compassion that is beyond normal You may find that strangers always talk to you if you are an empath.
They can be good listeners as they generally have an interest in other people.
Empaths can be moody or have large mood swings due to overwhelming thoughts, feelings and emotion.
They are likely to have had, other paranormal experiences in their life. This could be astral projection, psychic ability or a variety of other experiences.
Empaths are daydreamers that have difficulty keeping focused. This is common with people who deal more IN emotion and neglect other area's of their mind.
Like many people on a spiritual path Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities. This is something that occurs to everyone however Empaths are often more aware and therefore 'look out' for it.
All Empaths have precognition, premonitions, nightmares, constant illnesses with no medical cause (due to picking up on others illness), the ability to feel the truth and converse telepathically before an event has taken place and a tendency to not be able to control their emotions which can result in the energy from their intense feelings can cause electrical shortages and malfunctions in anything that uses electric. Some Empaths are so powerful that telekinesis (moving things with mind energy) can manifest when they are very unbalanced emotionally. Children and Animals have an affinity with Empaths and will always feel at ease with one due to their healing nature. Attracting energies that need healing is another regular experience that Empaths endure and tend to find themselves in situations that challenge their ability to counsel and support those that are suffering from mental and physical illness. It is not uncommon to find that the manifestation of constant lower energies creates physical responses in the form of anxiety attacks and mood fluctuations.
ALL Empaths have healing ability. They don't necessarily need to educate themselves on much as it is within them to already know and channel energy to create harmony and balance despite being unbalanced themselves from others energies.
The physiology of the Empath trait.
When you think about something it triggers electrical activity in your brain. Neurons (special cells that relay information from the brain to the body's nervous system ) get activated through a very mild electric current. These neurons then activate other neurons, creating a chain reaction. Each thought follows a unique 'pathway' in the brain, called a 'Neuron pathway'. Scientists already know that the Neuron pathway varies, depending on the type of intellectual activity you’re doing.
All this electrical activity generates a magnetic field (which is true for all electrical currents). As Empaths, we are able to read and interpret this magnetic information. Our own brain translates these magnetic patterns into an emotion that we personally experience. Think of it like having a portable MRI machine (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) in your brain. You can 'take pictures' of magnetic waves and translate them into something meaningful. Doctors use MRI scans to differentiate between sick and healthy cells. We use it to differentiate between emotional states.
An example of a 'physiological' reaction to emotion.
When someone is angry, there’s all kind of electrical and chemical reactions happening in their body (sweating, getting flustered, faster heart beat). All these changes trigger mild electrical currents that create a magnetic field around their physical body. As an Empath, you are able to scan this magnetic information to “read” their state of mind: this person is angry. Although the pattern changes from one person to the next, Empaths are able to interpret it and translate it.
About human magnetic waves -
They can go through solids (such as bones and walls) with very little loss. Which means that you can read people even if they are far away.
They are very very very weak and are often called “Subtle Energies”. They cannot harm you in anyway.
Conclusion
If you are lucky to learn adaptive mechanisms earlier in your life so that you can deal with this constant surge of information you can avoid the path of destruction. But without some basic education, ( I’m sure your parents did not discuss with you when you were young about being an Empath), some Empaths will resort to destructive or energy consuming mechanisms to deal with the situation. This can lead to depression, mood altering addictions (drugs, alcohol) or anything else that can drown other people’s emotions.
----------------------------------------------------
It's also important to know what you will be working against, the ego.
this is from: http://narcissisticbehavior.net/category/narcissism-and-the-addiction-to-self/
The Narcissists Multi-addictions: The Addiction to “Self”
So what is the narcissist most addicted to? In a word, the narcissist is most addicted to their own grand view of “self”, and they will not tolerate anything or anybody that is likely to obstruct them in their pursuit. Being addicted to their own self, they are vigilantly looking for self-enhancement opportunities, especially in external quarters where their self-worth is vulnerable, and they feel a need to construct grandiose identities. This need for self-enhancement opens the narcissist up to multi-addictions in order to grow their wide range of strategies for maintaining their ever growing inflated self-views.
What are the causes of narcissistic personality disorder?
I don’t think anybody really knows what causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder to develop in an individual. Theorists differ in what they say, but it would seem that most believe that Pathological Narcissism results from extremes in child rearing; such as a reaction to deficient bonding and dysfunctional attachment (Bowlby). From the perspective of the Object Relations Theory, the narcissists are infantile and chaotic (Winnicott, Guntrip). It is believed, that sometime during childhood, the narcissist internalises a “bad” object (typically, the mother) and develops forbidden emotions such as rage, hatred, envy, and other forms of aggression toward this object. Other theorists say it may be caused by brain injury. Yet another school of thought, Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology, believes that narcissism may be the result of trauma within a hostile womb before a child is even born, or during the birthing process due to mishandling. So whether the damage to the individual is caused by neglect by an authoritative figure, bonding and attachment problems, brain injury, too high an expectation being placed on a child, excessive pampering and spoiling, or fetal trauma, the evidence of narcissism is usually showing itself by early adulthood.
It seems, because the narcissists raging aggression was unacceptable to the world, and therefore dangerous to him, he was forced to suppress it. He soon learned how to successfully channel that aggressive energy into fantasies or to socially legitimate outlets such as dangerous sports, gambling, reckless driving, and compulsive shopping, etc. Sadly, in his effort to repress those “bad” feelings he, unfortunately, also suppresses all of his emotions. Naturally, these aggressive feelings reinforce the narcissist’s self-image as being bad and corrupt. Gradually, over time, he develops a dysfunctional sense of self-worth, and his self-confidence and self-image becomes unrealistically low and distorted.
As a result of their disturbance in the attachment stage, it seems that many narcissists have no psychological-object constancy at all, and consequently, they live in a world that appears very unsafe. Their world becomes a world where they do not feel that other people are good-hearted, reliable, caring, constant, accessible, predictable, or trustworthy. So they avoid real contact with anybody, this includes their parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, colleagues etc. Consequently, they are totally disconnected from the real world.
This disconnection is intolerable for the narcissist; he is fearful and deeply lonely within himself, and he is unable to do anything about it. Never having learnt the art of honest communication, he lacks the skills of forming healthy relationships. In order to defend himself he compensates for this lack of ability (or willingness) to relate to real live people, he invents and shapes substitute-objects or surrogate-objects. His first loving and completely controllable object he attaches to is “himself”. Just like the mythical character Narcissus, he has become the object of his own desire, and he projects that idealized image onto the world through a persona that is a False Self, a false self that he sees as being omnipotent (all-powerful) and omniscient (all-knowing). Unfortunately, these images are confabulations, merely elaborate works of fiction which have little or nothing to do with reality, but they serve their purpose, even if it is just temporarily. From there he turns others into functions or to objects so that they pose no emotional risk. These mental representations of meaningful or significant others become the “Sources of Narcissistic Supply”. It is this reactive pattern that is called pathological narcissism.
Narcissists desperately crave love, but at the same time, because of their inordinate fear of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection, they are terrified of intimacy. Because the narcissist does not form safe secure relationships with anybody, they are very afraid to trust. Their distrust and fear of people means that they cannot tolerate the discomfort of being wrong, making mistakes, failing, losing, being criticized, ignored, rejected, or disregarded, these all involve too much vulnerability, so they avoid all intimate contact.
The only relationship that the narcissistic nature can manage is the relationship with their own self, which of course is built on the illusion of their superiority, power, and control. Because they must always feel good about themselves, they live a life of lies (mendacity) in order to maintain the illusion of their grandiose self-image, not just to others, but to their own self, consequently they live through a False Self. As a result they are susceptible to a life of obsessions, compulsions and addictions.
Whatever a narcissist does, they take it to the limits, whether it is drink, drugs, sex, food, sport, exercise, religion, shopping, health, career etc. The way they survive in the world is through their obsessions. Everything they choose to obsess on represents who they are to themselves.
Regarding their family, it may be that they are obsessed with their family in a very controlling and harsh way; for example, their children are expected to be better than other children; winners in some way (looks, abilities, intelligence, achievements, music, etc.). It does not really matter what they are good at, what matters is that the child reflects what a wonderful parent it has, and naturally all its gifts and talents are inherited, or at lease attributed, to the narcissistic parent in some way.
When it comes to their career, it is often taken to the ultimate degree. The reason for this is that, generally speaking, narcissistic children do not do very well at school. Their disregard for rules, their truancy, their disruptive and chaotic thinking plays a big part in their schooling, a schooling in which they often do not attain high achievements. As a result, as adults they feel inferior when it comes to education, so they need to over compensate for their deficiency. This over-compensating behaviour helps the narcissist feel somewhat in control.
The narcissistic personality and its obsessive desire for control is not about control just for control’s sake, but an essential defense against the risk of receiving a narcissistic injury; a blow to the ego or self-esteem that may end in deep feelings of humiliation and shame. They also have a tendency to become obsessed with their health, and hypochondria is very common. The hypochondrium is linked to their fear of losing control over their body, its looks, and its proper functioning.
To the narcissist, he is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions); this belief shows itself in his arrogant, scornful and proud behaviors or attitudes. Because they believe they are so special they expect to win over every situation; in their minds, fate has made them winners, this makes them very susceptible to becoming gamblers and risk takers in all their undertakings.
So self-absorbed, narcissist believes that they are exempt from the mundane – they see themselves above the laws of other mortals, rules do not apply to them, and that they are owed preferential treatment at all times. They are invincible, therefore above reproach altogether. So, if for some reason they fail to deliver in some way, they will inevitably revert to blaming someone else. Because of their “specialness” they seem to think that others owe them the right of warning them of any dangers well in advance. Failure to do so only confirms to the narcissist that people are useless and cannot be relied upon, or trusted to support them.
Narcissist loves a distorted image of themselves, so in effect; their love for themselves is not true. Somehow, through their own life experience, they have learned that they must be the picture of perfection if they are to be respected, admired or “loved”. They invest in their False Self-image at the expense of their True Self. They believe that they are independent people, while in truth they are dependent on their endless narcissistic supply to bolster their egos. Because they deny their emotions, they also deny their fragile vulnerable nature of being a human being. As a result they deny that they have any problems, admitting such a thing is out of the question, because this would shatter their image. Because of this denial they fail to love themselves, and as a result they suffer in many ways. For example, their health suffers through their impulsive addictive behaviour. They constantly leave themselves open to reprisals from people that they mistreat, they lie to themselves that people could really care about them. No matter how well they look on the outside, they are suffering from a great inner hunger.
Being Egoless
Being Egoless is a choice, a necessitate sacrifice of personal gain for the benefit of greater means.
The human ego may seem inevitable to some. It can be like a blanket that drapes over us in the midst of times.
However, all of our egos can be altered.
The majority of people who are egotistical, are this way because it has been taught into them that egotism is the only way to achieve survival.
Unfortunately, our world thrives off and promotes selfishness.
Why do you think there is usually no monetary reward for helping the poor or cleaning the environment?
Charities to help others are usually volunteer based because we’ve been conditioned to exercise action that only really benefits ourselves.
Ego makes us think that life is all about ourselves and those who are egotistical usually try to fulfil the void via external objects.
Egotistical people don’t tend to see themselves as part of the collective and try to dominate everything around them for the benefit of their own personal gain.
The video linked to this write up explains in a bit more detail how human ego is certainly one of the biggest destroyers of our planet. Remove ego, and then we’ll be at one with nature.
from: http://expandedconsciousness.com/2014/04/28/ego-destroys-our-planet/
jk jk
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we can finally graduate from the School of Hard Knocks
I know we often want it happy and positive, but that’s just not where much of humanity is. Many of us are overwhelmed with pain, undigested sadness, unexpressed anger, unseen truths. This is where we are at, as a collective. So we have two choices. We can continue to pretend it’s not there, shame and shun it in ourselves and others, distract and detach whenever possible. Or we can face it heart-on, own it within ourselves, look for it in others with compassion, create a culture that is focused on authenticity and healthy emotional release. If we continue to push it all down, we are both creating illness and delaying our collective expansion. But if we can just own the shadow, express it, release it, love each other through it, we can finally graduate from the School of Heart Knocks and begin to enjoy this magnificent life as we were intended. Pretending the pain isn’t there just embeds it further. Let’s illuminate it instead. —Jeff Brown
form the facebook page Positivity Vibrations
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In Ancient times, The Creator wanted to hide something from humans until they were ready to see.
The Creator gathered all the animals and sought their advice.
"I want to hide something special from the humans until they are really ready for it, it is the realization that they create their own reality."
The Eagle said: “Give it to me. I will take it to the highest mountain and keep it there.” The Creator replied: “One day, the humans will conquer the highest mountain, and find it.”
The Salmon said: “Give it to me. I will take it to the deepest ocean and keep it there.” The Creator replied: “One day, the humans will explore the deepest depths of the ocean, and find it.”
The Buffalo said: “Give it to me. I will bury it in the heart of the great plains and keep it there.” The Creator replied: “One day, humans will rip open the earth, and find it there.”
All were stumped until Little Grandmother Mole who lives within the heart of Mother Earth and see with her spiritual eyes and not physical eyes spoke up:
“Why don’t we hide it inside them? That is the last place they will look.”
The Creator replied in an instant: “It is done.” ~ Sicangu Lakota Oyate ~ (An Old Sioux Legend)
Within each of us is Great Spirit's Gift, It is our knowingness. When we meditate our Spirit connects us with the hearts of all that is. It is up to us to remember that we create our own reality by what we choose to feel within our own heart. When we spread our wings and let go of all that binds us and give thanks for the many blessings of today we are transformed and see with our Spiritual eyes...
Nvwadohiyada ~ Great Spirit's Blessings are with you always... Walela Dikanogidv "Songs of the Hummingbird"
Monday, April 21, 2014
developing authenticity & confidence
it’s completely natural to not be 100% in love with everything in your life. We should not feel like we have to fake happiness around others or put on the illusion that we are happy all the time. So don’t fool yourself into thinking that needs to be the case. Life is more about balance and staying grounded when things seem chaotic. Often times, by acknowledging life’s imperfections, we can manage them better than if we try to bury ourselves in delusions and false ideals.
A popular piece of advice in psychology is to “fake it ’till you make it.” In other words, if we fake happiness (such as creating a “fake smile”) then eventually it actually becomes real and genuine happiness. This is true, but only to some degree. I've made posts about the importance of acting in new ways to create new thoughts and feelings. There is also research on how faking certain body postures can improve our confidence and mood, such as through exercises known as power posing. However, some research also shows the possible costs of fake happiness and the philosophy of “fake it ’till you make it.”
How do you know if you're just playing yourself or if you are actually developing authentic confidence?
can you honestly evaluate the way you conduct yourself?
....here is a list of questions to consider when evaluating
1. Do you make excuses?
People who make up a lot of excuses are usually really good at it. There are always dramatic details and exaggerated descriptions of things that really don't matter. Authentic & confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; they were late. They don’t excuse their short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; they make the time and they keep on improving until they are good enough.
2.Do you avoid doing the scary thing?
Authentic & confident people don’t let fear dominate their lives. They know that the things they are afraid of doing are often the very same things that they need to do in order to evolve into the person they are meant to be.
3. Do you live in a bubble of comfort?
Authentic & confident people avoid the comfort zone, because they know this is a place where dreams die. They actively pursue a feeling of discomfort, because they know stretching themselves is mandatory for their success.
4. Do you put things off?
Authentic & confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear of change. They take action here, now, today – because that’s where progress happens.
5. Do you obsess over the opinions of others?
Authentic & confident people don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While they do care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world, they don’t get caught up in negative opinions that they can’t do anything about. They know that their true friends will accept them as they are, and they don’t concern themselves with the rest.
6. Do you judge people?
Authentic & confident people have no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. They don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. They are so comfortable in who they are that they feel no need to look down on other people.
7. Do you let lack of resources stop you?
Highly confident people can make use of whatever resources they have, no matter how big or small. They know that all things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. They don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.
8. Do you make comparisons?
Authentic & confident people know that they are not competing with any other person. They compete with no other individual except the person they were yesterday. They know that every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.
9. Do you find joy in people-pleasing?
Authentic & confident people have no interest in pleasing every person they meet. They are aware that not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.
10. Do you need constant reassurance?
Authentic & confident people aren’t in need of hand-holding. They know that life isn’t fair and things won’t always go their way. While they can’t control every event in their life, they focus on their power to react in a positive way that moves them forward.
11. Do you avoid life’s inconvenient truths?
Authentic & confident people confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. They know that problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. They would rather have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner today than sweep an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.
12. Do you quit because of minor set-backs?
Authentic & confident people get back up every time they fall down. They know that failure is an unavoidable part of the growth process. They are like a detective, searching for clues that reveal why this approach didn’t work. After modifying their plan, they try again (but better this time).
13. Do you require anyone’s permission to act?
Authentic & confident people take action without hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves, “If not me, who?”
14. Do you limit yourself to a small toolbox?
Authentic & confident people don’t limit themselves to Plan A. They make use of any and all weapons that are at their disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until they identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort. They're able to recognize that they aren't an expert at everything and are able to ask for help when it is needed.
15. Do you fact check or blindly accept what they read on the Internet as “truth” without thinking about it?
Authentic & confident people don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. They look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. They maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to their lives, and forgetting about the rest. While articles like this are a fun and interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.
adapted from:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/15-things-highly-confident-people-dont.html
http://www.theemotionmachine.com/fake-happiness
A popular piece of advice in psychology is to “fake it ’till you make it.” In other words, if we fake happiness (such as creating a “fake smile”) then eventually it actually becomes real and genuine happiness. This is true, but only to some degree. I've made posts about the importance of acting in new ways to create new thoughts and feelings. There is also research on how faking certain body postures can improve our confidence and mood, such as through exercises known as power posing. However, some research also shows the possible costs of fake happiness and the philosophy of “fake it ’till you make it.”
How do you know if you're just playing yourself or if you are actually developing authentic confidence?
can you honestly evaluate the way you conduct yourself?
....here is a list of questions to consider when evaluating
1. Do you make excuses?
People who make up a lot of excuses are usually really good at it. There are always dramatic details and exaggerated descriptions of things that really don't matter. Authentic & confident people take ownership of their thoughts and actions. They don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; they were late. They don’t excuse their short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; they make the time and they keep on improving until they are good enough.
2.Do you avoid doing the scary thing?
Authentic & confident people don’t let fear dominate their lives. They know that the things they are afraid of doing are often the very same things that they need to do in order to evolve into the person they are meant to be.
3. Do you live in a bubble of comfort?
Authentic & confident people avoid the comfort zone, because they know this is a place where dreams die. They actively pursue a feeling of discomfort, because they know stretching themselves is mandatory for their success.
4. Do you put things off?
Authentic & confident people know that a good plan executed today is better than a great plan executed someday. They don’t wait for the “right time” or the “right circumstances”, because they know these reactions are based on a fear of change. They take action here, now, today – because that’s where progress happens.
5. Do you obsess over the opinions of others?
Authentic & confident people don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While they do care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world, they don’t get caught up in negative opinions that they can’t do anything about. They know that their true friends will accept them as they are, and they don’t concern themselves with the rest.
6. Do you judge people?
Authentic & confident people have no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. They don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. They are so comfortable in who they are that they feel no need to look down on other people.
7. Do you let lack of resources stop you?
Highly confident people can make use of whatever resources they have, no matter how big or small. They know that all things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. They don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.
8. Do you make comparisons?
Authentic & confident people know that they are not competing with any other person. They compete with no other individual except the person they were yesterday. They know that every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.
9. Do you find joy in people-pleasing?
Authentic & confident people have no interest in pleasing every person they meet. They are aware that not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.
10. Do you need constant reassurance?
Authentic & confident people aren’t in need of hand-holding. They know that life isn’t fair and things won’t always go their way. While they can’t control every event in their life, they focus on their power to react in a positive way that moves them forward.
11. Do you avoid life’s inconvenient truths?
Authentic & confident people confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. They know that problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. They would rather have an uncomfortable conversation with their partner today than sweep an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.
12. Do you quit because of minor set-backs?
Authentic & confident people get back up every time they fall down. They know that failure is an unavoidable part of the growth process. They are like a detective, searching for clues that reveal why this approach didn’t work. After modifying their plan, they try again (but better this time).
13. Do you require anyone’s permission to act?
Authentic & confident people take action without hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves, “If not me, who?”
14. Do you limit yourself to a small toolbox?
Authentic & confident people don’t limit themselves to Plan A. They make use of any and all weapons that are at their disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until they identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort. They're able to recognize that they aren't an expert at everything and are able to ask for help when it is needed.
15. Do you fact check or blindly accept what they read on the Internet as “truth” without thinking about it?
Authentic & confident people don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. They look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. They maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to their lives, and forgetting about the rest. While articles like this are a fun and interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.
adapted from:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/15-things-highly-confident-people-dont.html
http://www.theemotionmachine.com/fake-happiness
Saturday, April 19, 2014
wow
MOST AWESOME PHOTO EVER: A GIRL AND HER EAGLE
Meet 13-year-old Ashol-Pan, badass Mongolian eagle huntress
Meet 13-year-old Ashol-Pan, a typical smiling, sweet and shy girl from western Mongolia... who happens to know how to hunt with a freaking eagle. Perhaps the country's only eagle huntress. And she's apparently damn good at it too.
A 13-year-old eagle huntress in Mongolia
Ashol-Pan, the daughter of a celebrated hunter, is the lone girl amidst a tradition of Kazakh boys who start learning how to use golden eagles to hunt for foxes and hares at the age of 13.
Excuse, Ms. Eagle Huntress, but you are awesome.
reposted from http://blog.angryasianman.com/2014/04/most-awesome-photo-ever-girl-and-her.html
Meet 13-year-old Ashol-Pan, badass Mongolian eagle huntress
Meet 13-year-old Ashol-Pan, a typical smiling, sweet and shy girl from western Mongolia... who happens to know how to hunt with a freaking eagle. Perhaps the country's only eagle huntress. And she's apparently damn good at it too.
A 13-year-old eagle huntress in Mongolia
Ashol-Pan, the daughter of a celebrated hunter, is the lone girl amidst a tradition of Kazakh boys who start learning how to use golden eagles to hunt for foxes and hares at the age of 13.
Excuse, Ms. Eagle Huntress, but you are awesome.
reposted from http://blog.angryasianman.com/2014/04/most-awesome-photo-ever-girl-and-her.html
Friday, April 18, 2014
greetings earthlings
some music to listen to
& some things to think about
There is a war going on right now and it doesn’t involve guns or the military industrial complex. It’s a war on consciousness and most people are clueless that it even exists.
click the pic:
& some things to think about
There is a war going on right now and it doesn’t involve guns or the military industrial complex. It’s a war on consciousness and most people are clueless that it even exists.
click the pic:
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
bad habits and unhappiness
In my opinion happiness isn't something that you are born with. Happiness is something that happens through a series of experiences, habits and realizations over the course of your life. This isn't a guide to try and fix people who are clinically depressed, but a series of things I have learned over my life that have shaped the way I look at life and the world. It is my experience that the more positive habits you have in your life, the more emotional happiness you will experience. Instead of telling you things you should do to increase your emotional satisfaction, I’ve created a list of bad habits you should try to correct. Not only will they make you happier, they will also make you a better person. Taking time to develop emotional intelligence will help you naturally stay away from these bad habits. To me it seems like someone who cannot cope with their own constantly changing emotional state usually have habits on this list.
Habits of unhappy people:
1. Chronic Complaining
The one thing that happy, successful people don't do a lot of is complaining. While it is psychologically beneficial to vent when you are under stress, there is a difference between small venting sessions and being a chronic complainer. The chronic complainer tends to always have something wrong in their life, their issues are more important than everybody elses, and when you have something to vent about yourself, they aren't very interested in listening. Everybody gets dealt a hand in life. Some get dealt better hands than others, but at the end of the day this is the hand of cards that is yours. Chronic complainers tend to complain about their job, their significant other, how little money they make or how something wasn't fair. I have news for you, anybody anywhere has hundreds of things they could complain about at any given time. If you are a chronic complainer, quit whining and talk about the things that are positive in your life and focus on what is good. If you have a problem, sit down and work out a solution. Constant complaining does nothing but push your friends away and keep you in that dark unhappy place. You have good in your life, find it, and share it.
2. Retail Therapy
Life is about experiences, however so many people get caught up in materialistic items that they forget what truly makes us happy. Sure the latest gadget may make you feel good for the evening, but that high is temporary, and you will be back chasing that retail high shortly after. Get out and experience the world. If you can't afford to get away, become a tourist in your own city. Skydive, bungee jump, go to the beach alone, take a hike on an unknown trail, go up to a complete stranger and invite them for coffee, hell… read a book; there are so many things you could be doing that will enrich your life that doesn't involve buying things.
3. Binge Drinking
Alcohol can be hard to avoid. It is present in almost every social situation. As most people know alcohol is a depressant. While alcohol can help loosen you up in these social situations, drinking excessively on a regular basis can cause all sorts of havoc on your life. Since alcohol is a depressant, the following day after drinking yourself silly usually results in a pretty unproductive day. Not only does this lead to the feeling like you have wasted a day, it also leads to poor eating decisions and lack of exercise.
4. Worrying About the Future
No matter what you do, you only have so much impact on what the future has in store for you. Could you get laid off? Maybe. Could you catch a life threatening disease? Yup. The thing is, you have very little control over whether or not these things happen, so why spend your time worrying about it. As long as you have a reasonable game plan and are living responsibly you should be focused on what is going on in your life now. Focus on what you are doing this second, if you hate it, do something else. Right now I'm looking outside, it is sunny and my cat is rubbing up against my leg. I couldn't be happier.
5. Waiting for the Future
Much like worrying about the future, many people focus on future events instead of what is going on right now. The chain of thought usually starts like this:
When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate. Once you've graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job. Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are married. Next you think you will be happy when you have kids. Once you have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next it will be when they have kids. Before you know it you will have spent your entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and happiness) has passed you by.
6. Lack of Hobbies
Before I even get started, your job, house cleaning and watching TV are NOT hobbies. Hobbies are activities that you can become passionate about. Hobbies are something that you can do when you have three hours of free time on a Thursday night. Hobbies are skills that could potentially earn you money if you become good enough at them. Happy people tend to have hobbies, whether your hobby is kick boxing, playing the guitar, or even basket weaving. Hobbies give you something to do with your free time and give you some time for YOU. This is time you are investing in yourself. Group hobbies also have the added benefit of giving you additional socializing time.
7. Eating Poorly
Making bad food choices or eating too much is not only bad for your health, it can make you feel lethargic, guilty, depressed and when done for extended periods of time typically results in gained weight. Unfortunately eating poorly is a vicious cycle. Often times people eat to self medicate when they are feeling down. They feel great for a few minutes while they eat their delicious treats, but then feel guilt afterwards, followed by lack of energy and reduced productivity. Eating healthy not only makes you have more energy, it also makes you look better, which makes you feel better about yourself. Contrary to what the millions of fitness magazines out there will tell you, 90% of how you look is determined by what and how much food you put in your body, not how much time you spend running on a treadmill. Eat right, look great, and feel great.
8. Talking Poorly of Others
Next time you go out, listen to what people talk about. Are you spending your time gossiping or talking about other people. Unhappy people get caught up talking about other people instead of talking about things such as ideas or current events.
Unhappy people also have a tendency to judge others. "Look what that idiot is doing!. "Can you believe what she is wearing". If you catch yourself judging somebody you don't know, bite your tongue. Trashing somebody else might make you feel better for a moment, but all you are doing is masking your insecurities by trying to put them beneath you. Instead, try complimenting others, at first it might be hard, but it will make you feel good and will make you a much more desirable person to be around.
9. Holding Grudges
Harbouring animosity towards somebody is like carrying around a backpack full of rocks. You don't have a problem carrying it, but it is a load on your back, and life sure would be easier if you could just take it off. Do yourself a favour, forgive. This doesn't mean you need to become best buds with whomever has done you wrong, but come to terms with what has happened and understand that people make mistakes. Forgiving will help free you of anxiety, stress and depression and allow you to have happier relationships. Free yourself of the hate, and move on.
10. Not learning
It isn't hard to become complacent in life. You've spent so much time going to school to eventually get a job that learning sometimes takes a backseat to life. Learning doesn't need to be a chore. Just like hobbies, get out there and learn about something you are passionate about. Like mexican food? Sweet, start reading about it and practice making five star restaurant quality mexican food. Learning new things not only gives you things to talk about in social environments, it also helps improve your self worth, which leads to happiness.
11. Not Following Through
It is easy to sit on the couch and make a list of things you want or plan to do. Actually getting up off the couch and doing them takes a lot more energy. They say that taking the first step is always the hardest part with any plan. Quit making excuses and walk the walk, nobody is going to do it for you. Want to go back to school? Pick up the phone and register. Want to lose 10 lbs? Get in your car and drive to the gym. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Quit letting the first step hold you back.
12. Hating Your Job
Fact: Most people have to work to survive.
Fact: The average full time work week is 40 hours. With two weeks vacation most people work 1920 hours per year.
If you are going to spend 1920 hours per year working, please make an attempt to like your job. Since you will be spending 22.4% of your entire year (yes that includes sleeping hours) you better like what you are doing. Now, before you jump to conclusions that you hate your job, think to yourself, "Do I really hate my job, or have i just complained about it to others so much that I think I do?". Or could it be that you just love to hate things and the job is the only thing you have to hate (besides yourself).
So many people love their job when they first start. As time goes on, co-workers start to complain about things, and then you start to find little things that bother you, then soon enough everybody's complaining has amalgamated into this giant ball of hate. Next thing you know you are blaming your job for your unhappiness. If this is your situation, you can either A) Start telling yourself something you love about your job daily, and make sure you relay this to your co-workers in an attempt to learn to re-love your job or B) If it is too late, and the damage is done, move on to a similar job elsewhere and do everything you can to keep things positive from the get go.
In the event you genuinely hate your job and doing it another day is going to cause you endless grief, simply take the plunge, and move on. Being unhappy for close to a quarter or your life just isn't worth it.
13. Loneliness (How you Choose to Socialize)
One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is loneliness. I'm not referring to having somebody special in your life; having a significant other doesn't mean you won't be lonely. Being lonely generally stems from lack of social stimulation. The technology age is definitely perpetuating this by means of text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and other 'Social Networks'. People are so addicted to these forms of social technology that they forget humans require real genuine human interaction. Socially insecure people tend to gravitate to online socializing because they have more control over the amount and timing of their interactions. Reducing face to face interactions tends to reduce social anxiety for less extroverted individuals. Unfortunately staying within your comfort zone, limits personal growth, and prevents the development of valuable face to face relationships.
Don't have something to do tonight? Instead of commenting on everybody's Facebook statuses, give somebody a call and go out for a drink, you would be surprised how much better it feels to talk to a real life physical human being.
If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt, YOU ARE WRONG. You can't be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently. Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship. If you are struggling to find a companion, stop looking in bars and stop looking online. Consider joining activity clubs for singles or participate in a group activity that encourages socialization. You will meet like minded people who share more in common with you that booze or Facebook friends.
If you really struggle with making friends, read Dale Carnegie's classic book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". This book was written in 1937 and still stands true to this day. It will supply you with the tools needed to form amazing relationships.
14. Letting Negative Thoughts Enter Your Mind
In the past I had this problem. Negative thoughts would enter my mind and I would let them stick around. They would then sit there, fester and take control of my emotions and my happiness. This got to the point I actually spoke to my doctor about it and he gave me this advice. When these thoughts enter your head, immediately think of something else. You choose what you think about, and the longer you entertain a negative thought, the more it is going to stay in focus. We are all human, and bad thoughts will enter our heads from time to time, but by being conscious of what you thinking about you can push them out of your head before they take you over.
15. Jumping to Conclusions
Jumping to conclusions is a huge source of not only unhappiness but also anxiety for people. Jumping to conclusions usually comes in one of two forms; Fortune telling and mind reading.
Fortune Telling is when a situation arises and you automatically predict that things are going to turn our poorly. Because of this fortune telling, you often take yourself out of these situations, which for the most part would end in a great experience. You lose out by having jumped to conclusions and predicting an unsatisfactory outcome.
Mind reading is when you automatically assume that others are negatively reacting to you or something you've done when there is no definite evidence. This can and will make you feel like a victim and can result in unfounded resentment towards these imaginary reactions.
16. Magnification
Often times unhappy people have a tendency to blow small things out of proportion. Take a step back before you deal with an issue and try to look at it objectively. Often times if you try to take yourself and your emotions out of the equation and think it through you will realize that you are making a big deal out of nothing. If you still aren't sure, ask somebody you trust what they would do in this situation before losing sleep over it.
17. Minimization
The exact opposite of magnification is minimization. Minimization is when you take real problems and instead of dealing with them, tell yourself they are insignificant. Unfortunately you can only sweep your problems under the rug for so long before they explode. People tend to ignore problems like debt, infidelity, obesity amongst other things. If this sounds like you, stop ignoring your ongoing problems, become actionable and take steps to fix them. Much like grudges, you will feel much better once these problems have been resolved.
18. Self Labelling
How you talk to yourself can seriously affect your self image. When you make a mistake, tell yourself "You made a mistake, next time you will do better". Saying things like "You are an idiot", or "You are a piece of crap" does nothing but lower your self worth. This might sound insignificant, but you need to believe in yourself to be happy, and calling yourself names prevents you from moving on after you've made a mistake.
19. Not Having a Goal
One of the most exciting things in life is setting a goal and accomplishing it. Happy people have a tendency to make both short and long term goals. Short term goals give you mini accomplishments that build self confidence and keep you motivated for the big picture. These goals can be related to anything that is important to you. Fitness, finance and hobby related goals are examples of goals you can set immediately. Successful people are constantly setting and accomplishing goals.
While lack of ambition has a tendency to lead to mediocracy and limited emotional satisfaction, unhappy people often set goals too. The problem with unhappy people's goals, is they tend to be unachievable. One study shows[12] that people suffering from depression often set goals that they are incapable of accomplishing When these goals don't come to fruition, negative self reflection begins. For this reason, incremental goals are extremely important to build self confidence and positive reinforcement for the goal setter. Start small, and build up steam, you are the only thing that stands in the way.
20. Worrying What Others Think
So many people spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to please others. This generally stems from the insecurity that other people are judging them. People do their hair a certain way, dress a certain way, and act a certain way in an attempt to fit in. All these things take so much energy yet in most circumstances the people you are friends with would like you regardless if you did the things you do to try and impress them. Stop doing things for other people and do things that make you happy. Go out with your hair a mess, wear a pair of torn up sweat pants in public and do it with a smile on your face. Your friends will like you regardless and if you don't know somebody, why do you care what they think.
21. Let Strangers Affect Your Mood
The world is a scary place. There are lots of pissed off people and people who want to drag you down to their level. If somebody gives you the middle finger while driving, smile back at them and let them spend their energy being cranky. Don't let somebody else's bad day control the outcome of yours. If you have to deal with a grumpy person, kill them with kindness. Often times your unfounded happiness will make them realize how big of a jerk they are being.
22. Wanting more Money
Money, everybody wants it, nobody seems to have enough of it; Or do they? Most people think that if they had more money, their happiness would increase accordingly. Unfortunately, much like "Waiting for the future" above, the illusion that more money will solve all your problems and make you happy is nothing more than just that, an illusion. According to a Princeton University study, emotional well being and happiness does rise with income, but only to an annual household income of $75,000.. If your household income is already over $75,000 it might be time to reevaluate your happiness, more money is probably not going to make you that much happier.
from http://www.infobarrel.com/22_Habits_of_Unhappy_People
remember not to let a poor emotional state prevent you from doing successful people stuff
experiment
try this and see what happens
Next time you speak or write, try listening to yourself as if you were a stranger you wish to get to know. The fact is, many of us are strangers to ourselves, and we don't even know it. We seldom listen to ourselves as we speak or write, and are most often unaware of the inner attitude from which we do so. —Dennis Lewis
[how can we really know ourselves until we're able to try different things in order to experience the whole emotional spectrum? isn't that what your 20's are for anyway? i think that emotion is how the conscious mind communicates with the subconscious mind. and i think depression could stem from an inability to communicate emotionally with oneself. plus as we learn new information and experience different emotions, we change, the process never ends, so all we can really do is choose what information to focus on, so don't forget to pay attention to what's important & stay open minded]
Most people have not experienced so much trauma that they must see a professional counselor; they can work through their feelings by involving the people they are close to. by telling their story, recounting the gory details and finally mentally processing everything. That is the means by which they begin to dispel the feelings of distress attached to their memories.
The more that feelings can be encouraged, the better. The more you feel the more you heal.
The expression of feelings can take many forms. For most people it may be easiest to talk. But others may need to write or draw.
There are four broad patterns of expression of feelings that people employ in response to a crisis. Call them feeling styles. Some people consistently maintain one style; others exhibit all four styles at different times.
It is important to recognize which style of emotional expression is characteristic of your response, and which patterns your loved ones display. Each one demands a different approach.
The Trickle Effect
Feelings flow in little trickles, slow but steady. Tricklers have feelings at a low or medium level most of the time.
Hit and Run Feelings
Some people hit an emotion, experience it intensely, then find it so scary they run away from it. They avoid it and may not talk about it for days, weeks or even months. Then they hit the feeling again, it blows up and they run away from it again.
Roller Coasters
Many people go up and down emotionally. They are in touch with their feelings but their feelings are all over the place. Like a roller coaster, however, they can go very quickly through the feeling stage.
Tsunamis
Emotions come in tidal waves that are so big, comprehensive and overwhelming that those who get them feel like they're going to drown. They flail about, and then the wave recedes; they discover that they're still alive and they feel better. Tsunamis usually occur because people repress their feelings of pain.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
i am
[meme overload]
i like to think i am the most hilarious person ever, even though i know i am not....
but since i think this way even when i am alone i laugh a lot and that's just how i enjoy my life
its probably a good idea to cultivate quality within oneself,
that way you are able to recognize the quality in others
i like to think i am the most hilarious person ever, even though i know i am not....
but since i think this way even when i am alone i laugh a lot and that's just how i enjoy my life
its probably a good idea to cultivate quality within oneself,
that way you are able to recognize the quality in others
Friday, April 11, 2014
intrapersonal relations/communicating w/ one's self
If somebody is a problem for you, it’s not that they should change, it’s that you need to change. If they’re a problem for themselves that’s their karma, if they’re causing you trouble that’s your problem on yourself.....In ideal situations you would clear yourself within the situation, but very often it’s too thick and you can’t do that. Now, what you do then is you pull back and you do the stuff you do in the morning or at night before you go to work, you do the stuff on weekends, you do the stuff that quiets you down and then each time you go into the situation to where you have to work, you lose it again. And then you go home and you see how you lost it, and you examine it, and then you go the next day and you lose it again, and you go home and you keep a little diary “how did I lose it today”, and you saw that, and then you go and you do it again, and after a while as you’re starting to lose it you don’t buy in so much. You start to watch the mechanics of what it is that makes you lose it all the time.
If I’m not appreciated, that’s your problem that you don’t appreciate me. Unless I need your love, then it’s my problem. So my needs are what are giving you the power over me. Those people’s power over you to take you out of your equanimity and love and consciousness has to do with your own attachments and clingings of mind. That’s your work on yourself, that’s where you need to meditate more, it’s where you need to reflect more, it’s where you need a deeper philosophical framework, it’s where you need to cultivate the witness more, it’s where you need to work on practicing opening your heart more in circumstances that aren’t optimum. This is your work. You were given a heavy curriculum, that’s it. There’s no blame, it’s not even wrong, it’s just what you’re given. You hear what I’m saying? It’s interesting. Can you all hear that one?
-Ram Dass, Summer 1989
1) Dodge 2) Duck 3) Dip 4) Dive 5) Dodge
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Protect_Yourself_From_Emotional_Manipulation
1. Recognize how they 'flip-the-script'.
You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response – “It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn't want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry.”
Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all – but since they've said the words you're pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!!
Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played – don't capitulate! Do not care take – do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit – it probably is. Rule number one – if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver – it's added to their hit list and you'll be fed a steady diet of this shit.
2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper.
If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree – that is IF they didn't volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, “ok thanks” – they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don’t really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn't seem like they want to do whatever – they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are.
This is a form of crazy making – which is something emotional manipulators are very good at. Rule number two – If an emotional manipulator said YES – make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties – if they don’t want to do it – make them tell you it up front – or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.
3. Crazy making – saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what's been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity – You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they'll call it white – and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality.
WARNING: Emotional Manipulation is VERY Dangerous! It is very disconcerting for an emotional manipulator if you begin carrying a pad of paper and a pen and making notations during conversations. Feel free to let them know you just are feeling so “forgetful” these days that you want to record their words for posterity's sake. The damndest thing about this is that having to do such a thing is a clear example for why you should be seriously thinking about removing yourself from range in the first place. If you're toting a notebook to safeguard yourself – that ol' bullshit meter should be flashing steady by now!
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers.
They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly – they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt.
Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn't want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people's battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is “I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own” – check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.
5. Emotional manipulators fight dirty.
They don't deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.
Example: “Of course I want you to go back to school honey and you know I'll support you.” Then exam night you are sitting at the table and poker buddies show up, the kids are crying the t.v. blasting and the dog needs walking – all the while “Sweetie” is sitting on their ass looking at you blankly. Dare you call them on such behavior you are likely to hear, “well you can’t expect life to just stop because you have an exam can you honey?” Cry, scream or choke 'em – only the last will have any long-term benefits and it'll probably wind your butt in jail.
6. If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!
No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now – but only ten times worse. It's hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves.
If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish – or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don't bother – TRUST your gut and walk away!
7. Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them.
When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it – it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better – fixing whatever is broken for them. Stick with this type of loser for too long and you will be so enmeshed and co-dependent you will forget you even have needs – let alone that you have just as much right to have your needs met.
8. Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability.
They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior – it is always about what everyone else has “done to them”. One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the “hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me” variety.
Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.
( via social-consciousness.com )
__________________________________________________
Protect_Yourself_From_Emotional_Manipulation
1. Recognize how they 'flip-the-script'.
You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response – “It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn't want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry.”
Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all – but since they've said the words you're pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!!
Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played – don't capitulate! Do not care take – do not accept an apology that feels like bullshit. If it feels like bullshit – it probably is. Rule number one – if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver – it's added to their hit list and you'll be fed a steady diet of this shit.
2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper.
If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree – that is IF they didn't volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, “ok thanks” – they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don’t really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn't seem like they want to do whatever – they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are.
This is a form of crazy making – which is something emotional manipulators are very good at. Rule number two – If an emotional manipulator said YES – make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties – if they don’t want to do it – make them tell you it up front – or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.
3. Crazy making – saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it.
If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what's been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity – You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they'll call it white – and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality.
WARNING: Emotional Manipulation is VERY Dangerous! It is very disconcerting for an emotional manipulator if you begin carrying a pad of paper and a pen and making notations during conversations. Feel free to let them know you just are feeling so “forgetful” these days that you want to record their words for posterity's sake. The damndest thing about this is that having to do such a thing is a clear example for why you should be seriously thinking about removing yourself from range in the first place. If you're toting a notebook to safeguard yourself – that ol' bullshit meter should be flashing steady by now!
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers.
They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly – they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt.
Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn't want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people's battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is “I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own” – check out the response and note the bullshit meter once again.
5. Emotional manipulators fight dirty.
They don't deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off shit to undermine it.
Example: “Of course I want you to go back to school honey and you know I'll support you.” Then exam night you are sitting at the table and poker buddies show up, the kids are crying the t.v. blasting and the dog needs walking – all the while “Sweetie” is sitting on their ass looking at you blankly. Dare you call them on such behavior you are likely to hear, “well you can’t expect life to just stop because you have an exam can you honey?” Cry, scream or choke 'em – only the last will have any long-term benefits and it'll probably wind your butt in jail.
6. If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!
No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now – but only ten times worse. It's hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves.
If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish – or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don't bother – TRUST your gut and walk away!
7. Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them.
When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it – it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better – fixing whatever is broken for them. Stick with this type of loser for too long and you will be so enmeshed and co-dependent you will forget you even have needs – let alone that you have just as much right to have your needs met.
8. Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability.
They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior – it is always about what everyone else has “done to them”. One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the “hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me” variety.
Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.
( via social-consciousness.com )
Thursday, April 10, 2014
I am a survivor
I am a survivor and I have recovered from my abuse with a narcissist. But I will always speak out about this abuse in an effort to bring awareness to it as well as to educate other targets/victims so they can get that “ahhh haaa” moment like I did. When I found this site it was an amazing woman named Michelle (founder of ANA) that took the time to contact me personally and pull me out of all of the fog, educate me, make me go no contact and realize I was a good person. She became a friend and then my family – she encouraged me to write saying that I had a unique and raw talent to explain the abuse in a manner that reached people – so I joined her to support her tremendous efforts to do the same with every and any person that needs help.
With that said I want to talk about recovery and reinforce that there is no set standard that says you have to recover in a specified amount of time – the criteria to recovery is first and foremost “NO CONTACT”, then healing by educating yourself to expel all of the poison you internalized that the narcissist forced down your throat and finally after the fog has cleared using introspection to set new boundaries so that when you love yourself you do it completely enough to put yourself first.
Ask yourself a question – and that is if you had to rate how dehumanizing your narcissist was to you from 1 to 10, what would your answer be. Mine would definitely be 10 plus! I have looked evil in the eyes; I truly believe this now when I look back.
We are prey to a predator. They manipulate us to get close to us, build up our trust, mimic our thoughts and emotions, take full advantage of our vulnerability, and build a relationship with us where we begin to grow with them, need them and depend on them. They groom us and are very shrewd at this. They are psychological terrorists and emotional vampires, and they are dangerous, abusive people.
Then dynamics change drastically once they are done with you, or you leave them, and everything suddenly changes. Our worst nightmare is about to begin!!
They attack our integrity in a manner to destroy our reputation. They tell damaging lies, deceive, and manipulate everyone important in our lives and careers. They act outraged at what you are doing to ‘them’, even though they have abandoned us, deceived us, betrayed us, and USED us. If all else fails, they will manipulate those around them into believing THEY are the victim.
Not once in all of this, do they actually care about their ‘supply’ – yes that is what we are supply, just like every other human being they encounter. We are just an object to them to provide them the comforts of life they deserve and TAKE. They have no conscience so this is all appropriate behavior to them!
All the fake emotions they have shown us, all the words they used to ‘reel us in’, all the ‘I love you’ and ‘I care deeply about you’ and ‘I want to help you’ , were all fake, they didn’t mean a word of it. It was to gain our trust so they could gain entry into our heads and minds to take everything they could, even trying to reach down and grab our souls.
Once exposed, you see their real motives and their real feelings about you. They are in hot pursuit of finding their minions; ensuring no-one believes us when we start telling the truth. They will now set out on a new journey to abuse us and SILENCE us with the help of their supporters, to make sure we seem crazy, or a liar, or evil.
All along, they have absolutely no remorse that they have ripped your heart out; stomped all over it or the pain and destruction they left you with. They have no empathy for the hurt they caused, just a complete sense of entitlement, complete lack of insight, complete lack of courage to face what they have done, and no conscience to face their damaged self – they would rather destroy because they are self-serving and exploit every aspect of life. They are thieves having taken things that they didn’t deserve, accepting kindness as if they earned it, or gifts meant to celebrate a unity we had with them, and a complete lack of love, care, compassion or empathy.
It takes a long time to recover from narcissistic abuse and it’s so hard for many victims to just watch the Narcissist carry on enjoying their lives, whilst the victim grieves, is confused, hurt and lost because they can’t understand how they can do this, after manipulating us by believing they loved us. They don’t enjoy life because they live in a lonely world like a lone wolf – there is no happiness in the darkness where they dwell.
It’s so hard for victims to understand how they were not loved at all, just used and abused, chewed up and then spit back out of the monsters mouth. They leave us with such personalized pain to deal with as well as a horrendous smear campaign where the people close to our lives now believe their lies too.
Recovery is slow and painful, especially when the abuse is still new or raw. It also includes grieving, twice. Grieving the person you thought they were -- the person you also loved and believed loved you too and then grieving the real person or monster they are, the narcissist, who never cared and used you as supply, with no remorse.
Someday this abuse will be understood at a level that will make it a criminal offense. But for the time being you deserve your love back where it belongs – and that is with you. So hug yourself daily and realize you didn’t deserve this, but unfortunately we are left with a debt or price to pay for having loved this non-functioning and manipulative monster and that is calling our spirit back home and learning to love and trust again.
by Greg @ https://www.facebook.com/pages/After-Narcissistic-Abuse-There-is-Light-Life-Love
Why won't my narcissist ex give me closure?
Because giving CLOSURE is tantamount to giving up CONTROL.
CLOSURE involves wrapping things up in a nice little bow and agreeing that it's OVER as a "couple" as "two people" who each have needs to wrap up the last piece of "coupledom" they shared: their break up.
This shows how ONE SIDED the narcissist is towards the relationship ENTIRELY. The narcissist thinks that since THEY'RE FINE with discarding you and acting as if you never existed, that certainly YOU'd have no problem with it, because, well...YOU DON'T EXIST.
When a narcissist is done using you, especially if you made a lot of trouble for them, you know, by standing up for your rights, or sharing your feelings, or God Forbid, confronting them or exposing their secret. Well you've done the UNTHINKABLE! No, it doesnt compare to the abuse done to you, or the smear campaigning or destroying your heart and life - but in their minds, they did none of that! You are the sole perpetrator - how DARE you think YOU DESERVE anything!
It's a sad truth, that we can expect NOTHING from a person who PRETENDS TO LOVE us, gets us to put ourselves in a position to give them our true love, all the while tricking us, setting us up and then stabbing us in the back with a smile on their face.
But it's the truth nonetheless. We can expect NOTHING from a narcissist. No decency. No understanding. No true apology. No true amends. and Ultimately NO CLOSURE.
This relationship requires that we gain our own closure. We give ourselves the answers and know that if a narcissist wanted to speak up to involve themselves in the ending, they would have already. But part of our gaining closure is gaining knowledge about the disorder, which tells us unequivocally that NARCISSISTS WON'T ALLOW CLOSURE - they won't give up that CONTROL. If a narcissist were healthy enough to provide some sort of "joint" closure, then we probably wouldn't be leaving the relationship in the first place.
--------------------------------------
I am often asked how long it will take to get over a narcissist. Grieving the loss of a relationship with a narcissist is not the same as one with a healthy well-adjusted adult. The process has many stages and can only be understood by those who have been through it.
In a typical breakup, we grieve the loss of love, the pain of saying goodbye, the sadness of something wonderful ending, broken promises and halted dreams.
When grieving a narcissist, this pain is compounded by the reality that this person never loved you. He targeted you. He put on an act and hypnotized, brainwashed & manipulated you for a deliberate purpose: to seduce and control you. And it was for a specific reason: to ensure you would be present to stroke HIS ego and cater to HIS needs.
You realize he is not who you thought he was at all. Not even close. Not even real. There is no resemblance between this selfish, controlling man and the man you fell in love with years ago. You remember, that caring and compassionate man you thought understood you like no one else. Unfortunately, that man does not exist. He never did. And no matter what you do - never will again.
You must also try to understand how you went from being idealized and put on a pedestal to being completely devalued and discarded. You can't do anything right and nothing you do is good enough. You must accept the fact that you were not an object of love to this person, but an object, a mere source of Narcissistic Supply to feed his ego; nothing more, but certainly nothing less.
The only closure you can possibly hope for in a relationship with a narcissist is the knowledge that this person is permanently disordered and disturbed. You must accept him for what he is and all his limitations, must move on and create a new life for yourself.
I believe we must create a new life for ourselves. We owe it to ourselves. Life is short and this is it. This is not a dress rehearsal. This is life. Live it and embrace it. We must live in the moment and be honest with ourselves at all times. We deserve real, genuine love. Believe it or not, there are people out there who are capable of it.
It takes a very, very long time to get over a narcissist. Please be patient with yourself, and by all means, allow yourself to mourn him. Get into therapy. Read all you can. Do not rush into a new relationship in an attempt to avoid the pain. Deal with it now so you can truly move forward.
I grieved more over my divorce six months after it actually happened than I did when I went through it. That's because when you go through a breakup or divorce, you are numb, in survival mode. You are dealing with intense emotions and feelings, while at the same time, trying to create a new life for yourself. It takes incredible strength, courage and determination. All your energy is focused on getting through the transition. You don't grieve until later. Much later. It's all a process.
But you must grieve. You must allow yourself to mourn him. When you do, it is gut-wrenching and painful. This may be where you're at right now. If so, I know it feels like the pain will never end, but trust me, it takes as long as it takes. It will take time, but you have to get it out. Don't be afraid to cry as often as you need. It's cathartic and necessary in order for you to move on. Don't be afraid to get angry... that's your self-esteem returning and you can channel it into doing things for yourself to help yourself heal.
If you repress your feelings, you will remain stuck. We must feel our feelings to move on. Be gentle with yourself and proud that you have the courage to feel. When you feel, you know you're alive, right?
I'd rather feel pain and know I'm alive than feel nothing. The one thing a narcissist can never take away from us is our ability to feel. A narcissist cannot feel at all. A narcissist will never feel, which is precisely why he is so jealous, envious and covetous of those who can.
Be grateful you have the emotional capacity to feel and love again in the future. A narcissist does not have that and will never have that. A narcissist will simply go on preying on people to get his/her needs met - over and over and over. Embrace your life and your ability to feel the joy of love again. It will come to you if you stay true to yourself.
(Note: Women can be just as Narcissistic and damaging as men. This blog post is in no way an indictment of all men as Narcissists.)
from http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/04/25/grieving-narcissist
Monday, April 7, 2014
quest to be happy
I have been on a quest to be happy for as long as I can remember.
I thought I had looked everywhere. I tried relationships, work, adventure travels, and a life filled with friends and activity, but still I felt anxious. I was disenchanted with life. Even though I’m a therapist, years of therapy attempting to work out my problems didn’t give me the sense of peace I somehow thought was possible.
I knew there had to be more, and I am delighted to tell you that I found it when I learned to get out of the way.
The Power of Habits
Without my realizing it, I had been caught up in habitual ways of thinking and feeling that dominated my everyday life. My mind went on endlessly with judgments, expectations, worries, resentments, and stories about what should and shouldn’t happen.
And I had overlooked the feelings of fear and uneasiness that were running beneath the surface almost nonstop.
Life was happening, but with a constant inner commentary about how things weren’t quite right. No wonder I wasn’t happy.
Fast forward to now, and things are very different. No more useless worrying, regret, or getting caught in mental stories about other people or myself. Even my body has relaxed without that lurking agitation. Everything is so open, so fresh!
And here’s what I discovered.
Finding Freedom
Getting out of the way means becoming very familiar with your inner world. You discover what you do that makes you suffer so you can choose peace instead.
Amazingly, you realize that you can press pause in any moment and step back from the momentum of old, recycled habits.
When you do, you see what is actually happening: the pain of being stuck in an old resentment that has been dragging you down, the constricting effect of believing your thoughts, and the chaos that comes from letting your feelings rule.
With your eyes wide open, you are primed to live in ways that are intelligent, affirming, and aligned with your deepest desires. Finally, clarity arrives.
Getting out of the way looks like this:
Ask yourself, “In this moment, what do I really want to feel?”
The answer connects you with your true intention to be happy, peaceful, and clear. Already, you are halfway to being free.
Notice the thoughts and feelings that grab your attention.
See how you get in the way of happiness. Do you live in a belief that you are inadequate? Do you tell yourself you are a victim of your past? Do you define yourself by sadness or fear? This is why you suffer.
Befriend your experience by noting what is present, but know that it doesn’t have to control you.
Just for now, don’t hold onto your stressful stories. Let your feelings be without acting on them. This is the most loving way you can be with yourself.
Experience the space that remains when you are no longer hooked by thoughts and feelings.
Even if only for a moment, you’ve discovered what it’s like to get out of the way. Here you are—whole and relaxed, ripe to enjoy yourself, to make wise decisions that come from love, not fear and limitation. You see that life can be so beautifully simple. You touch into the living possibility of happiness for you.
There is no need to change your thoughts or get rid of any emotions to get out of the way. Just become aware of your inner experience. Realize how defining yourself by it constrains you.
Notice that you can make the choice to live fully now, beyond any self-imposed boundaries, with a clear mind and open heart.
It is the effortless, practical way to happiness available in each moment.
How to Do It: An Example
Let’s take worry as an example. I used to worry about everything; I was full of “what if’s”—what if my plans didn’t pan out, what if I made the wrong decision, what if I didn’t fit in, what if I couldn’t cope. It was endless.
I remember worrying years ago about whether or not I should attend a work-related social function. By that time, I knew that I could actually get out of the way, so I stopped and felt a moment of gratitude—this was my golden opportunity for freedom. I tapped into what I really wanted, which was to be peaceful, present, and clear.
Rather than being consumed by worry, I chose to be curious instead.
I noticed that my attention was completely taken up by negative projections about what might happen in the future. What if I don’t know anyone? What if I feel uneasy there? What if it’s a waste of time?
My mind was flooded with these anxious thoughts. And when I stepped back to observe them, I saw that they squashed my enthusiasm, closed me down to opportunities, and inhibited me from going outside my comfort zone (which wasn’t so comfortable, anyway).
Bringing attention to my feelings, I realized I was locked up in fear, with tension everywhere in my body. It was a light bulb moment when I saw how powerful these feelings were, even though they hadn’t been conscious to me before.
As I noticed these anxious thoughts and feelings, I took a breath. I shifted my attention away from them and returned to simply being present and aware. There was an immediate sense of relief.
No longer feeding worrying thoughts, the tension subsided, and I found the clarity to make a sane, calm decision about whether or not to go. I saw that the unfolding of life right now was just fine. It was amazing to realize that worry was optional.
It took some time, but as I became more aware whenever worry started to grip, I began to see the opening of possibility. Instead of needing to figure everything out, I could relax and trust. Instead of being limited by fear, there was space for wonder, creativity, appreciation, and ease of living.
I was shocked to realize how profoundly this pattern of worry had infiltrated my life.
At first, only a tiny crack in the tsunami of worry appeared, but eventually, the whole thing collapsed. It just didn’t make sense anymore.
Things didn’t change overnight, but with care and diligence to worrying—and every other confused habit—it became obvious that they were not serving happiness. Suffering was the tap on the shoulder that brought me back to peace.
When I saw that the habits were in my way, my interest in them waned until it disappeared entirely. Why? I am happy without them.
Finally Fully Living
When you get out of the way, you stop resisting life. The focus shifts from what you don’t have to what is here and available. No longer doubting everything, you receive what life offers you.
And rather than living in the mind-created past or future, you are available to the simplicity of this now moment.
Unclouded by mental noise, you become crystal clear about what to do next. You tell the truth about what is and isn’t working. And you take practical steps to begin truly living.
As I became aware of habits that were hijacking my happiness, I discovered why my relationships weren’t lasting and began making different choices. I realized how fear had been keeping me from living fully. I began seeing everything through the eyes of love. ~(♥_♥)~
Really, it’s true. When you get out of the way, your life will shine…endlessly.
from http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-get-out-of-your-own-way-and-let-your-life-shine/
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Lean on me
The Heavy Pedal hosted "Lean On Me" a Joshua Rhodes experience. This was Josh's first solo show in ages and we had a party! You know how we do. Is it purp, is it pink? Art and drank!
i love watching this guy work ~♥_♥~
it was good time, just hanging out with friends. thanks for coming out everyone!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
dealing with anger
from http://www.facebook.com/pages/After-Narcissistic-Abuse-There-is-Light-Life-Love/
changes
There are many changes happening upon the planet that is affecting each of you. Many of you feel the need to get things done. Many feel the impulse to move to a new location or are having difficulties finding your place in the work field. These are natural occurrences; let these things flow through you and not get caught in the angst of the moment. Many of you are leaving the planet, dying in quick and sometimes unusual ways. A host of you are having emotional and mental issues arising as a result of repressed feelings of childhood memories. Hospitals are filling with those who have contracted diseases such as cancer and heart disorders. This is all part of the ascension process.
We are all equal
For eons, you have been able to exercise free will and make choices based on nothing more than wanting to have a new experience. These times are changing. The experience that allowed all of this to take place has now reached its end. It is similar to having a free pass to a carnival. You can go on any rides you choose, play any of the games, sit in the kissing booth and eat all the candied apples and hot dogs you desire. However, at midnight, the carnival closes and you must return home. What is happening on Earth at this time; the carnival is closing and it is time to go home. These changes will affect many of you deeply and not very gracefully. As you look around, it seems others are barely affected; they still have good jobs, their homes and plenty of money to spend on trivial things. You may feel jealous or upset. You have worked hard and feel undeserving of the difficulties in your life. Those who are faring these times well may feel they are better in some ways, especially in moral issues or because they feel more spiritual than others. Either way, you are about to learn that you are all equal and that each of you, through your thoughts, words, actions and emotions have created your reality based on the belief codes you have accumulated.
Judgement
This will be a hard lesson for many to learn, for you must take responsibility for all of your current issues. You will realize that every judgment you placed on another has now come back to you, as you experience others judging you. Every act of kindness you expressed will also come back to you. Will you receive them with gratitude or feelings of unworthiness? Your financial situation is dependent on your feelings of inadequacy or blocking of abundance on various levels. Your relationships are a mirrored response of your ability to love others unconditionally. Those who love without judgment are able to receive the love of others without feelings of mistrust and misgivings.
Material Possessions
Those of you who find yourselves homeless or on the verge of losing all your worldly possessions will find that deep within you lies belief codes attached to poverty issues. As you uncover these codes, it is wise to not be angry with yourself. Simply see what you have accumulated, bless the ability to see more clearly and take steps to create the reality you desire.
Moving From Darkness Into Light
In the news, you will hear stories of governmental cover-ups that affect every area of your life. You will come to realize that your insurance companies, banking institutions, educational systems and health industries have been designed to keep you under the control of a few wealthy people who have an ultimate goal of world domination. This may sound like fantasy to you, however, read history books; every generation had moguls with this goal, why should your generation be different?
Keeping your emotions under control
Through the ages, you have given away your power to those that blinded you and kept you in the dark. They have led you to believe they are wiser and all-knowing and that you should trust them to make legal and monetary decisions for you. Blindly, you accepted their generous offers and now it has come back to haunt you and suppress every area of your life. As you realize the truth and magnitude of this invasion upon your life, it is crucial that you keep your emotions under control. As we have spoken in past Messages, your thoughts and emotions are highly charged and reach out to the entire universe. This is the fabric that creates your reality. Can you imagine millions of people getting angry as they discover all the offenses that have occurred? Remember that heavy negative emotions glop together. If all this anger is released, it will create havoc in the world. As a result, you will see a rise in the force of hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes and social unrest.
Maintain positive thoughts and express gratitude
On the bright side, if you look at these things without judging them and can maintain a sense of peace Moving From Darkness Into Light | In5D.comand forgiveness towards those in control, the results will be much different. Feel gratitude that you now have a clearer picture of what has occurred. Be thankful for having the opportunity to be on this planet, especially during this time of great transition. Feel the joy of knowing you have the power to create your reality. What a blessing! Instead of focusing on revenge or harboring resentment toward others, place your awareness on how you can create the life of your dreams. In previous Messages, we have shared with you that love is a flowing energy. Love flows through things and continues sending blessings to all that are able to receive. Those filled with dark thoughts and gloppy energy will not be able to receive love, for their energy field is too dense.
Releasing the dark energies
If you wish to change your status on the Earth, you will need to release the dark energy that inhibits you from accepting the blessings of free-flowing love. That is why we share these Messages with you, to encourage you to daily go within yourself and seek out these gloppy energies. We have much concern for those of you who are hard-headed and most likely to create more dark energies as the truth of your oppressors comes to light. We highly suggest you spend much time reflecting on your own inner darkness rather than what others have done, for you have no control over their choices, only your own.
Related: The Dark Night Of The Soul
We have talked at length about how to rid yourself of these dark energies and how to put love energies into practice. This is the time to begin, for there is no other thing on Earth that is more important. There is a great change about to occur on the planet, many believe the Earth will be destroyed and many believe that life on Earth will become hellish. We are here to tell you that your role will be played out exactly as you believe it will, for your belief codes are creating your reality.
Your world will be exactly what you create
This is why some among you are not being affected by the rising tide of poverty and disease; they see themselves in a different reality. Have you ever tried to persuade others to believe in something you dear to your heart, yet they would not listen or change their opinion? Nothing in the world will persuade them until they make the choice. This is the beauty of free will. It also applies to you. There are many things you hold dear to your heart and no matter what others say or do, you will continue to hold fast, until you choose not to. This is why we encourage you to work on yourself and not others. Your world will be exactly what you create. If you choose to hold onto feelings of unworthiness and lack, you will stay in that position. If you choose to be a victim of oppression, you will stay in that reality. Like the carnival story, you have a choice what to do after midnight. You can go home and go to bed or hang out with your friends and do other things. You can wait for the gates to close and sneak back into the carnival. There is an array of possibilities. This is true for every area of your life.
You are the creator of your reality
We say all of this to let you know that indeed you are the creator of your reality. Yes, there are things that are beyond your control due to the mass consciousness of large groups. However, these issues cannot affect you on a deep level, if you choose to believe otherwise. Disease, depression, oppression are all belief codes you can hold dear to your heart or reject. Look inside deeply, observe your beliefs and choose whether to continue with those belief codes or to discard them and replace them with new codes. You do have the power and ability to create a utopian society for yourself even amongst all the angst of the world. Seek like-minded individuals who are not in the doom and gloom of the unthinkable acts of those who have taken control of the masses. Talk to these like-minded individuals, learn what they have done and are currently doing to avoid being caught in the web of hysteria. Make friends with these people. Move to another location if you feel that where you are is not in your best interest. Pay attention to your passions. What do you truly desire? Once you find your passions, take steps to make them a part of your reality.
You have everything within you to create the world of your dreams. How much more effective will it be if you who have a vision of Heaven on Earth begin to work together co-creatively toward this common goal? Just as light overcomes darkness when a candle is lit; know that each Lightworker cancels out a huge number of those who work with the darkness. Exponentially, your creative powers accelerate and offset what those in the dark realms are trying to achieve.
from http://www.in5d.com/moving-from-darkness-into-light.html
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