some satire from a random forum post i read awhile ago

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN RELIGION IN TEN EASY STEPS!

- or -

All Hail The Great God Lardicus



What's the point of living if you can't create your own God? Aside from my delusions of grandeur (and how much grander can they get than God-creation?) the main reason I'm doing this is so that I can have a God I can use without offending anyone while I'm writing here on http://www.aPath.org . And it's fun.

While I originally wrote this for the above reason, it turned out to be a bit more comprehensive and insightful that I had anticipated. I hope you find it enjoyable and perhaps even educational on a variety of levels. I have tried not to offend anyone specifically. More sort of a general offend-everybody-equally kind of thing. Let's get started!

A properly created religion can give you personal control influence guidance over the wallets minds hearts of those who feel that being a Free-Thinking Individual is way too much work.

Here we provide you with our simple format to take you through the basic steps, from creating your own Gods and Goddesses to creating a simple yet ambiguous framework for your followers to try to conform to.

With our humble guidance, you'll be able to start up your own cult sect denominiation religion in no time and have all the power money control faith you need to get you through this mortal coil.

Here's how simple God-creation can be:

1) Create a God. One with a catchy name is best. Should be simple and out of the ordinary, but not too far out that people can't remember it.

In our example we will create "The Great God Lardicus". It has "Lard" in the name which people already associate with fast food. It has "-icus" at the end of it, which sounds Greek, so it must be old and have centuries of tradition behind it.

2) Make it in charge of something people already focus on, but don't have a target for that focus.

In this case, eating too much fast food and poor dietary practices. Poof! Millions of people are now in your target audience.

3) Make it something that people will be reminded of frequently.

In this case, whenever they think of fast food, they will think of Lardicus after reading this (at least for a while).

In fact, the next time you drive down the road I bet you will think of The Great God Lardicus at least once. And the second time, you'll think of it because you'll remember thinking of it the first time. And so on. See how easy that was!

4) Make it easy for them to "buy into" the worship of your New God.

In this case, whenever you eat fast food, you are honoring The Great God Lardicus.

Whenever you pay at the drive-in window, you are tithing to The Great God Lardicus.

5) Make it ambiguous. Let both sides of an argument claim it as their own.

In this case, is The Great God Lardicus a "Dark God" bent on destroying The Temple Of Your Physical Being, or is he a "Light God" and the patron of those who are too busy in their lives to stop and eat a well-balanced meal?

Why define it when you can let people fight it out themselves. People are funny. They'll fight over anything. Even something you just made up. Enjoy the show and try not to think too much about the Karmic issues you are creating for yourself.

6) Establish some standards by which the God should be referred to, creating an intrinsic reverence right from the start.

In this case, The Great God Lardicus must always be referred to as "The Great God" Lardicus. Once people see this a few hundred times, they'll start believing it without even realizing it.

Make sure that the Full Title and Name are Always Capitalized. This is because that everybody knows that something that has Capital Letters Is Much More Important than something that isn't.

This is called "Marketing" and all the Most Holy of The Great God Lardicus's High Priests study the Dark Arts of Marketing and practice it many times a day in their Most Holy Rites.

7) Make cool symbols. They should be things that people already know and see everywhere. And they should be easy to draw and say.

In our case, The Great God Lardicus's symbols will be the Arch, the Crown and Pigtails. (If you think you'd look silly in pigtails, just substitute an image of a Pig, which works well when you think of bacon, pork chops, and the obvious "pig" symbolism). You'll suddenly start seeing The Great God Lardicus's symbols everywhere. Temples to The Great God Lardicus will appear, as if by Divine Intervention, on every street corner in every town across the nation.

Boy, that was fun!

Okay, we've now created our first God.

Now, let's see how easy it is to turn it into a Religion!

You can't have a cool religion with just a single character, so....

8) You need an opposing force. Not necessarily an arch-enemy, but an opposite perspective so that people can pick sides and fight over things.

Remember the stuff about people up there in Number 5? If everybody gets along, nobody will ever hear about your new religion. Most people hardly ever talk about how happy and content they are with their spirituality. In fact, many feel that they have to impose their beliefs on others in order to validate themselves and their beliefs. Because if you can get other people to be convinced to believe the same thing you do, you must be right! And that validates your choices. You want to play into that if you're going to be creating your own religion.

In this case, we will create The Gentle Goddess Dietima.

Notice how we have used all the rules so far with this name and the subtle effects it engenders. Let's review:

1) It has "Diet" in the name, which is obviously the opposite of "Lard". It sounds Greek too, so it fits nicely into our freshly created pantheon of psuedo-Greek deities.

It sounds catchy. And it should. Because we have simply co-opted the name of an actual character from Greek Literature, Diotima. Many people will vaguely (but not quite) remember her name from a high school or college class. This is another great technique when you are creating a new religion: overlay your gods, legends, temples, holy days and whatever else you can think of over top of the ones used by The Other Religions. Why invent something new when you can simply co-opt it and claim it as your own? Then people can fight over who stole what from whom and the nefarious motivations for doing so. People love to fight, and it would be cruel of you to deny them this chance.

2) Who hasn't been on or thought about going on a diet? The Gentle Goddess Dietima is the patron for you!

3) Is there anyone you know that isn't painfully aware of diets and dieting? My point exactly.

4) It sounds Feminine with just the right mix of Fluffy-Bunny and Wise Woman. It is sweet enough for the flowering gentle pre-teen who wants a kinder, more understanding world but it also sounds great for attracting the people who would never worship a masculine meat-eating fatso un-environmentally-conscious goat-mater like Grease God Lardicus!

Wow! Intolerance is fun and yet still makes you feel superior and important, while at the same time elevating you to the moral high-ground above those who you don't agree with. Neat, huh?

5) Notice how we have made The Gentle Goddess Dietima attractive to the entire spectrum of human emotion! Now we can just sit back and watch Her Faithful fight over which of her aspects is "The Real One".

6) The Gentle Goddess Dietima should always referred to as "The Gentle Goddess", unless you are in need of her unspecified warrior attributes which are whatever you want them to be whenever you want to use them. Good ol' rule number 5!

7) Dietima's symbols are the cute adorable little bunny (because nobody could not love a cute adorable little bunny), a curved silver knife (crescent moon shaped, great for cutting earth-friendly veggies to eat and tilling the ground, and useful for those unspecified warrior aspects, and similar enough to the Arch to cause more fun bickering) and the egg (fertility, orb shapes are common, and it will further confuse the whole spring holiday symbolism thing and cause more exciting discussions).

So much for the review, now back to the recipie book:

9) You need to confuse everybody. This will make sure that nobody can be really certain WHAT they believe, because it is all so non-sensical to begin with. And when you don't spell it out exactly (or even if you do) you know how those funny humans will all magically just get along, right!

In this case, we'll try to be real thorough here:

The Gentle Goddess Dietima and The Great God Lardicus are Divine Brother and Sister. However, they are also Husband and Wife. And The Great God Lardicus is the child of Himself and The Gentle Goddess Dietima. As is Dietima. They love each other, but argue and even fight regularly for a variety of reasons that we won't go into here because we want people to make up their own reasons, which they can then fight over.

We don't even have to explain how any of this is possible because they are Gods and can do whatever they want. We don't want to specify who was born first or the details of their immaculate self-conceptions, because that might give one side the upper hand in any arguments. Remember Rule Number 5: Keep it ambiguous.

The Gentle Goddess Dietima and The Great God Lardicus may or may not have other children, parents, siblings or acquaintances. We can add them in later if we want or need to, and then the old-timers (historians, scholars, etc.) can fight the new converts (who are always the most passionate about things) about whether they should "really" be in the pantheon or not, since they weren't there in the beginning. We'll probably just say we found some ancient scrolls that nobody is allowed to examine that mentioned them when we want to add in any new characters. That'll be fun!



And last but certainly not least:



10) The Big Reward. You know everything you always wished you had in this life? After you die, you'll get it! We promise! Hot women. Cute Guys. Flying Cars. Washboard abs. Rivers of Chocolate that won't add an ounce or an inch to your perfectly fit, weightless body. And lots of cute, adorable fluffy bunnies to frolic with in virgin green pastures.

In our case, we guarantee that you'll get everything listed above. And then some!

But wait! There's more! All the people you love in this life will be there. But not the people you don't like. They all go to "The Other Place". Don't worry. They'll get theirs. And you'll spend eternity in Paradise. Really. We Promise.

Oh yeah, one last thing:

The always present but never written down (written down here because I can't whisper it in your ear) Eleventh Rule:

11) Get The Word Out!

What good is creating your own religion if you can't get people to worship your Gods and beg you for guidance because they don't trust themselves to navigate their own way through life? They'll be much better having an uninformed random someone else tell them what to do than looking at their own situation objectively and determining a logical path to take that is likely to help them improve their lot in life.

And don't forget the money! Once people realize that http://www.aPath.org is the only place that they can find The One True Path, they'll start throwing money at me to solve their problems for them and I can quit my day job and hang out at the beach with my religion-driving laptop-toting bikini-wearing interns. Um, I mean staff.

So get to work and start sending copies of this to everyone you know and help me, humbly, to bring them to True Salvation here at http://www.aPath.org .

In fact, if you send this to twenty or more people in the next ten minutes, you may very well win the lottery! If you don't, and your car explodes, it wasn't my fault. It was yours.

Blessed Be,

- Brian Gallagher

healing vibrations.....

i had to get a root canal the other day

my first one ever ugh.
and i'm realizing how much harder it is to heal when you're out of shape
and i think the vibrations from the drill have totally thrown me off, i wasn't ready for that
but now i can say i'm a queen because my dad is gonna make me a crown (cheezy, i know)
i want him to do some kind of cool gold inlay at first i wanted a heart or something
but now i think i want 3 triangles, so it will be like a crown on my crown (double cheezy, i kill me)
i just want something cool then i can make everyone look in my mouth, lol thats gross
but for some reason i just think its sooooooooo hilarious


anyway that got me thinking about my healing process
i went to visit an aunt a few weeks ago she said some words in a disapproving tone when she saw my tattoos
but i gave 0 fucks and just changed the subject of conversation
i just didn't feel like explaining how the tattoos are a huge part of my healing process
the pain experienced while the tattoo is being applied helped me to physically release all the emotional pain i pushed to the back of my mind. the vibrations of the needle changed my frequency because i was finally able to let go of that shit that happened in the past and then i was able to embrace change, i want to remember the signifigance so i gave myself this reminder of the beauty that can come out of the pain in life. that's the story of my life, so i put it on my back because the past is behind me but it will always be a part of who i am today. and i just think symbolism is really really cool, always has been, always will be.

hah and then if i want to be a smartass i say: my body is my temple and that's the way i choose to adorn my temple. lol. it's true too

enjoy the energy of tonight's blue moon <3

Remember: Life is an experiment, not a formula. You don’t have to get it right in the beginning, so long as you refine your approach in the process.



If you're struggling with your emotions,
here's an experiment you can try yourself at home
skip the process of labeling emotions 'positive' or 'negative'
labeling only limits your perception
and judging your own emotions just queues the ego to manifest some perception to justify that judgement (who needs that?)
try thinking of emotions as a vibrational frequency instead
happiness, excitement or joy being higher and sadness, anger or grief being lower
then its not hard to see that balance is key to maintaining those higher frequencies

its alive!

from beforeitsnews.com The Earth behaves like an enormous electric circuit. The atmosphere is actually a weak conductor and if there were no sources of charge, its existing electric charge would diffuse away in about 10 minutes. There is a ‘cavity’ defined by the surface of the Earth and the inner edge of the ionosphere 55 kilometers up. The Schumann Resonances are quasi standing wave electromagnetic waves that exist in this cavity. Like waves on a spring, they are not present all the time, but have to be ‘excited’ to be observed. They are not caused by anything internal to the Earth, its crust or its core. They seem to be related to electrical activity in the atmosphere, particularly during times of intense lightning activity. They occur at several frequencies between 6 and 50 cycles per second; specifically 7.8, 14, 20, 26, 33, 39 and 45 Hertz, with a daily variation of about +/- 0.5 Hertz. So long as the properties of Earth’s electromagnetic cavity remains about the same, these frequencies remain the same. Presumably there is some change due to the solar sunspot cycle as the Earth’s ionosphere changes in response to the 11-year cycle of solar activity. Schumann resonances are most easily seen between 2000 and 2200 UT. When we consider that the ionosphere surrounding our planet is electrically positive charged whilst the earth’s surface carries a negative charge, we must conclude that this amounts to a prevailing electrical tension within the earth/ionosphere cavity. This tension is discharged when thunderstorms develop in this cavity. In physics two concentric electrically charged balls, one placed inside the other, are called ball condensers, or capacitors.
The inside of the ionosphere layer is used in wireless information transfer to bounce off radio waves emitted by transmitters on the earth’s surface. In this way the information can be transferred over large distances.
The physicist and inventor Nikola Tesla was the first to carry out wireless energy experiments at Colorado Springs, USA, which produced such powerful electrical tensions that they resulted in the creation of artificial lightning. These lightning flashes also produced radio waves. Due to their extremely low frequency these waves could penetrate the earth without resistance and thereby Tesla discovered the resonance frequency of the earth. Unfortunately Tesla was way ahead of his time and his discoveries were not taken seriously because it suggested free energy for all and was not good for ‘business’.
It wasn’t until more than half a century later in 1952, when the German physicist Professor W.O.Schumann of the Technical University of Munich predicted that there are electromagnetic standing waves in the atmosphere, within the cavity formed by the surface of the earth and the ionosphere. This came about by Schumann teaching his students about the physics of electricity. During a lesson about ball condensers he asked them to calculate the frequency between the inner and outer ball, meaning the earth and ionosphere layer. They came up with a calculation of 10Hz.
This was confirmed in 1954 when measurements by Schumann and König detected resonances at a main frequency of 7.83 Hz. In the years following this discovery, several investigators worldwide have researched “Schumann resonance” and a number of properties and characteristics have now been established.
The Research of Dr Wolfgang Ludwig- It was Dr Wolfgang Ludwig who carried out further measurements whilst writing his thesis on the Schumann Resonance. His aim was to measure what kind of natural signals actually exist in a healthy environment. He became aware of the fact that due to man made electromagnetic signals within the atmosphere, the accurate measurement of Schumann waves was almost impossible in the city. For this reason he decided to take measurements out at sea where, due to good electrical conductivity, the Schumann waves are stronger. He than had the idea to take underground measurements in mines. Here he recognized that the magnetic field of the earth fluctuated too. This was also investigated by Dr Robert Becker in his book `Electricity and Vitality: The spark of Life’.
Dr Ludwig came up with an excellent idea to take accurate measurements. When taking measurements at the earth’s surface, the reading is the result of two signals, one coming from above and one from below. But subsequently taking measurements below ground makes it possible to come up with exact readings by separating the two.
YIN and YANG - During his research Dr Ludwig came across the ancient Chinese teachings which state that Man needs two environmental signals: the YANG (masculine) signal from above and the YIN (feminine) signal from below. This description fits the relatively strong signal of the Schumann wave surrounding our planet being YANG and the weaker geomagnetic waves coming from below, from within the planet, being the YIN signal
The Chinese teachings state that to achieve perfect health, both signals must be in balance. Dr Ludwig found that this is indeed the case. He writes in his book `Informative Medizin’ that research carried out by E.Jacobi at the University of Duesseldorf showed that the one sided use of Schumann (YANG) wave simulation without the geomagnetic (YIN) signal caused serious health problems. On the other hand, the absence of Schumann waves creates a similar situation. Professor R.Wever from the Max Planck Institute for Behavioral Physiology in Erling-Andechs, built an underground bunker which completely screened out magnetic fields. Student volunteers lived there for four weeks in this hermetically sealed environment. Professor Wever noted that the student’s circadian rhythms diverged and that they suffered emotional distress and migraine headaches. As they were young and healthy, no serious health conditions arose, which would not have been the case with older people or people with a compromised immune system. After only a brief exposure to 7.8 Hz (the very frequency which had been screened out), the volunteers health stabilized again.
The same complaints were reported by the first astronauts and cosmonauts, who, out in space, also were no longer exposed to the Schumann waves. Now modern spacecrafts are said to contain a device which simulates the Schumann waves.
All the aforesaid points to the fact that the ancient teachings are correct. Mankind depends on two subtle environmental signals, the Yin from below and the Yang from above.
“Resonance : Beings Of Frequency” is a fascinating documentary which speaks of the Schumann Resonance of planet Earth and the effect it has on human health.

Research is showing that being exposed to this frequency is absolutely integral to us. It controls our mental and physical health, it synchronizes our circadian rhythms, and it aids our immune system and improves our sense of well being. Not only are we surrounded by natural frequencies, our bodies are filled with them too. Our cells communicate using electromagnetic frequencies. Our brain emits a constant stream of frequencies and our DNA delivers instructions, using frequency waves.
Through his work, Gregg Braden shares scientific proof of the Earth passing through the Photon Belt and the slowing of the Earth’s rotation. At the same time there is an increase in the resonant frequency of the Earth (Schumann Resonance). When the Earth stops its rotation and the resonant frequency reaches 13 cycles we will be at a zero point magnetic field. In 2 or 3 days it will start turning again in the opposite direction. This will produce a reversal in the magnetic fields around the earth and so forth.

some good stuff from my fb timeline

Many people live their lives struggling against the current while others use the flow like a mighty wind. The flow of the universe moves through everything. It’s in the rocks that form, get pounded into dust, and are blown away, the sprouting of a summer flower born from a seed planted in the spring, the growth cycle that every human being goes through, and the current that takes us down our life’s paths. When we move with the flow, rather than resisting it, we are riding on the universal current that allows us to flow with life. Many people live their lives struggling against this current. They try to use force or resistance to will their lives into happening the way they think it should. Others move with this flow like a sailor using the wind, trusting that the universe is taking them exactly where they need to be at all times. This flow is accessible to everyone because it moves through and around us. We are always riding this flow. It’s just a matter of whether we are willing to go with it or resist it. Tapping into the flow is often a matter of letting go of the notion that we need to be in control at all times. The flow is always taking you where you need to go. It’s just a matter of deciding whether you plan on taking the ride or dragging your feet. Learning to step into the flow can help you feel a connection to a force that is greater than you and is always there to support you. The decision to go with the flow can take courage because you are surrendering the notion that you need to do everything by yourself. Riding the flow of the universe can be effortless, exhilarating, and not like anything that you ever expected. When you are open to being in this flow, you open yourself to possibilities that exist beyond the grasp of your control. As a child, you were naturally swept by the flow. Tears of sadness falling down your face could just as quickly turn to tears of laughter. Just the tiniest wave carrying you forward off the shores of the ocean could carry you into peals of delight. Our souls feel good when we go with the flow of the universe. All we have to do is make the choice to ride its currents. Madisyn Taylor www.dailyom.com

An African tribe does the most beautiful thing. When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. For two days they'll tell the man every good thing he has ever done. The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as Good, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness. But sometimes in the pursuit of those things people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help. They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he'd temporarily been disconnected:
“I AM GOOD.”



When we begin observing and questioning our thoughts sincerely, along with the stories we tell ourselves, we see that many of them are simply not true. Our thoughts about our husbands, wives, children, colleagues, friends, enemies, and so on, for example, are often based on imagination and unseen attitudes, assumptions, and expectations in ourselves, yet they have a powerful influence on our emotions and body. We may think, for example, that we deserve more attention or respect than someone is giving us, but if we ask honestly 'Is it really true that they should do so?', we often see that it’s not true at all, and that it is our attachment to such thoughts that brings unnecessary suffering. —Dennis Lewis



Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are. -Eckhart Tolle



Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it. —Larry James

"You don’t need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfection." ~Wilson Kanadi



Negative emotions are very addictive. They actually release endorphins into the body which provide a very pleasant sensation. Consider stubbing your toe. Endorphins are also released. The sensation as the pain fades away can be euphoric. As crazy as it sounds this is what is going on with negative emotions. People become addicted to the release of endorphins produced as the negative pain caused by the emotion fades away. They develop a need for negative emotions to get the endorphin payoff. It is exactly like being addicted to a drug. - Paradigm Shift

When we focus on a particular emotion, it is all that we will be able to see. When something in our environment triggers a fear, it is difficult to see anything else but the object which is triggering our fear. Fear is an inner warning signal which draws our attention to a danger which we would be wise to investigate a little further before we proceed forward. Sometimes the danger is real and we should either retreat, make directional adjustments or proceed forward with caution. Other times the fear may be unjustified and based on unhealthy personal beliefs inherited from hurtful experiences in our past. Once we determine what it is generating the fear, we are better equipped to make a constructive decision on how to respond to it. It takes courage to move forward in the face of fear but often the greatest rewards are only available to us when we are willing to cross into those new frontiers in the heart of that which we may fear the most. ~Troy Flourishing Life Society



Dedicate your attention and energy to purpose and functionality. Don't waste time creating the illusion of wealth and wellness. You are only fooling yourself. In this society we try to hard to fit in, to be accepted. Often, in the process we lose sight of life, becoming so concerned with form that we forget about the purpose in function. Everything can appear wonderful on the surface but what are appearances really worth when suffering is the price of trying to maintain the illusion? Drop the front and appreciate your TRUTH! -Jeremy Meta Fields

just some thoughts..... so i been thinking about UFOs alot and it reminds me of this scene from what the bleep the story sticks in my head, how he could see the ripples, but couldn't figure out what was causing them, but he kept looking he kept looking and looking until he saw them, those ships -- things that could not be identified at that time.... the words that stand out to me are "because everybody trusted and believed in him they saw them too" but what i finally realized is that how we feel makes a difference to what we actually see or understand so if we look at how people understand the world today and consider the amount of oppression that exists its no wonder its so hard why so many cannot see or understsand the ripples of energy that are created by how we feel... and if we're all made of energy, blah blah blah anyway about a year ago at Santa Fe Indian Market i bought this bracelet made by a 6 year old kid. the diamond is in the middle and it symbolizes inner strength and the arrowheads around it symbolize protection, genius, how you feel IS your inner strength and we live life practicing skills and learning lessons to protect it, beautiful.